fear

How I Make Money and Get Things I Want Without Stripping and -My Top 5 Ways You Can Too-

Posted on by Stripper Notes

Sometimes you get tired of gong to the club and that’s when you have to work smart not hard. 

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If you are a smart stripper then you have regulars who love, respect, and are loyal to you. I have lots and it all depends on your personality and preference. I used to say I didn’t want regulars because I didn’t want to be bothered with them calling and texting me all the time, but I think I was dating then and didn’t feel like entertaining any other men. All that has changed now and my regulars are the only men in my life which is perfectly fine with me because they’re all millionaires. The men I was wasting my time with were not. 

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Now when I don’t feel like going from person to person selling dances and entertaining perverted strangers I tell my valued regulars who love and respect me to come see me and most of the time they ask me first. They come see me to de-stress and make they also enjoy making my life a little easier too by just giving me the money. Having regulars is amazing, but yo have to know how to play the game, because these men didn’t become successful by being stupid even though when it comes to me they can be a little wreckless with that checkbook. I also treat myself very well so it cost to be the boss honey.

A Few Keys You Need To Gain Regulars 

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#1 Respect Yourself –

This is your body and make sure you tell all your customers that (politely) Only the ones who can truly afford you will touch you. The broke ones might get an attitude, but they can get the fuck on with all that dumb shit.  

#2 Know What You Will And WILL NOT Do – 

I get offered cocaine on a daily basis, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it. I also get offered outrageous amounts of money to perform sex acts and have sex acts performed on me. I don’t accept that either. Know yourself. 

#3 HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF! –

You will have ugly old and young men with fragile egos try to break you down for a dollar! Don’t ever let those men think you need them more than they need you, because you are the prize sweetheart. Always be willing to walk the fuck off and move on to the next. When you leave walk away smiling with energy. They’ll be back. 

#4  Never Fuck Ever Have Sex With A Customer.

You can kiss your money bye bye if you do this. You are selling your company not your pussy. If they want sex don’t be afraid to tell them no. Be unapologetic about your stance. 

#5 Make Them Invest –

You could go on dates and hang out with them outside of work, but I’d just go to the mall to shop or something because if you hang out with them too much at their house or to dinner then they get distracted and forget that they are supposed to be paying you. It’s also your job to demand money from them for your company and if they can’t do that then don’t waste your time on them anymore. You’re not doing this for free.

As a stripper your body and personality is your business. Don’t sell your business short  or have a nasty attitude. Do all these things and watch your profit grow overall. Everyday won’t be great, but don’t get desperate. 

 

Thank you guys so much for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe and comment  to keep the blog posts coming. 

Love ya 😉 

Stop Finding Things About Success That Could Hold You Back

Posted on by Stripper Notes

So I’m fresh from vacation and I made myself some promises for returning. I was so lost about what I wanted to do and what I realistically was actually going to do. Saving up to travel is one of those things for me that is a sacrifice, but once I begin it kind of takes on its own snowball effect into perfection. Career and success building is much different. In Career in success you have to make that action move so the universe can give you that next step to take. Personally speaking I can freak myself out of not even taking that first move. I easily spent thousands of dollars on vacation and every dollar was well spent, because that was what I worked hard for. On the other hand there is also that dissatisfaction when the vacation is over and the money is spent tho. When I got back from San Diego I was so emotionally torn and numb that I knew I had to quickly go on another vacation. San Diego turned out to be a big ball of anxiety. I love that city and can’t wait to go back tho. So after I came back from Miami I was still a little lost and once again trying to figure out what just happened over the past few months with my ex coming and going and all of that. I still love and respect him and probably always will. I remember when I first met the new guy 2 years ago he pitched all the perfect business shit to me and to no surprise it was all smoke and mirrors. He may mean well, but simply falls short and I can’t blame him for my own demise. It up to me to get off of the sinking ship and save myself because we all remember what happened to Jack from Titanic when he was messing around with old Rose lol.

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With all of that being said I am very proud of myself as of late. I painted my first piece and hung it up in my room  and just the act of having to gather all of the materials and create something from my own mind inspired me to stick to my word of becoming a better person. Art also makes your space feels like a different place so I will be purchasing and making more art.  After I hung up the piece I was feeling frustrated like a “what now” feeling. So I dug deep into my mental and asked myself what I wanted and what I wanted to do and this is a hard question for anyone so I’m no different. At this point I was feeling stumped and honestly I think I was purchasing things to make me happy and you know how that goes. It kinda gives that “one night stand effect”. For the longest I have made many excuses as to why I haven’t produced more out of my eBay store and I could give a million excuses and the only excuse is laziness. I’ve been holding myself back and of course not on purpose, but that’s still the fact. There are things that I said I’ve needed for years and could have purchased 10x over, but I saw those things as sacrifices that weren’t worth the greater good so I put business investments on the back burner. I also doubt my ability too much and lose focus of the hard work it takes to make something succeed. Successful people make it look so easy, but the truth is they just worked extra hard with the tools and time they were given Successful people do not take opportunities for granted and see the longterm value in sacrifices. I think I’ve been content with mediocrity for too long and now that I am aware of that I’m excited to be doing new things. 

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I am also a young woman so to exclude relationships would be absurd lol. I gave a little thought to my lack of personal achievements and relationships and I ask myself a few questions. In proof reading this it seems to me like my careers and my personal life have a striking resemblance. They both exude a lazy, unkempt nature. I can’t believe I’m just now really seeing this. At this point I see things clearly and its up to me to do something about what see. Lets be clear I am prepared to be happily single for happiness 🙂 So If I were in a relationship with the people I want to be with would I still be ignoring my dreams and goals or smashing them? Now as a woman we do seek validation from the men we love and there is no getting around that, and I do love making someone who has been a cheerleader for me proud of me, however I don’t see success for myself with either of the men I “want” to be with so I think I’d obviously still be in the same boat. One of them is still young and doesn’t know how to even be in a relationship and the other guy surprisingly at 41 still has a lot of personal growing to do as well. Bottom line a relationship isn’t in the cards for me right now and isn’t the end all be all of life. Yes I may talk about it a lot, but I can’t ignore the feeling it so I will express it. I honestly need to spend some time getting to know myself a lot better. Like many women I’m too giving and I get left out in the cold when I am in need so the best remedy for that is self-care and I know it’s easier said than done. The lonely journey will definitely be intersting and has already proved to be so.

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I would like to send in saying I am STILL very proud of myself. I am being very responsible with my money and doing things for myself I only dreamed of a few months ago. I finally have my own space, I travel to amazing places and my work ethic is amazing. I do still have some fears of success, but I’ll still be in this same place years from now if I don’t take these risks right now. These days instead of blowing my money into relaxing spa days I’ve been investing in equipment for my business that I know I need. Being a one man band is hard, but I learned my lesson with working with people and I’d rather have someone work for me, because when you can fire someone you have a different kind of leverage.  I find that people will never take your business as serious as they take their own or want to just plain steal all of your ideas which is basically the old crabs in a barrel. Now a days when I have some kind of success of happiness happening in my life I am hesitant to tell people, because let’s be honest you know most people don’t mind you doing well until you start doing better than them. Being an entrepreneur really is a lonely road and that is not a negative thing it’s just another part of the equation so don’t give up and don’t listen to the haters. As long as you  work hard and remain true to your goals you will be fine.

 

I love you guys 🙂

I’m Feeling Super Weird

Posted on by Stripper Notes

Stripper Notes 25Last night at work was the best night this week by far so I was happy with that. I had lots of people showing me a lot of love and I absolutely love that. That is the part of work that makes it fun for me. I got really really drunk on some henny and that’s fine I guess. Someone wanted to take me to breakfast after work but I was just way too tired and drunk when I got home so I declined. Once I got home I had a bit of a headache, but I was still very drunk and tired and wanting to drunk call someone who is never a good idea so I talked myself out of that. As you  guys know I am against social media, but I was on snapchat during my San Diego trip and for a few weeks after that fishing for attention like everyone else on there. I got it of course, but of course it wasn’t want I wanted so I made the decision to get back off of it this week which was easy since its not the first time I’ve done it and I don’t rely on social media for much anyway. Now for those of you who don’t know how snap chat works allow me to explain.

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  1. You can post pictures and videos that will expire in 24 hours 

  2. You can see exactly who has viewed each of your posts

  3. People don’t need your permission to follow you, but you can block anyone as well 

  4. Other people can see if you have viewed any of their posts

  5. There is also a private messaging portion called DM or Direct Message 

  6. People can see when you opened their message

  7. Snapchat notifies you if someone screen shots your private messages 

 

Ok so I battle back and forth deleting and downloading the snapchat app because I do communicate with a few people on that app, but mostly my ex and I had a lot of communication on snapchat. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave the app on my phone because of the temptation to communicate with someone I don’t need to communicate with or share something publicly that want them to see indirectly. My ex is a man first of all so of course he’s going to watch my snaps on certain attention grabbing posts, but I also feel some type of way when he doesn’t watch every single snap. I knew then I kinda had a huge problem somewhere. Last night I almost almost watched his story on snapchat which is something I NEVER do. If I would have watched his story I would have felt like I lost or gave in or worse….. snooping lmao. Then there is the possibility of seeing something I don’t want to see. Being that I have experience with emotions like this I acknowledged them and made the conscious decision to not post anything on snapchat, not look at my ex’s story and not post anything as well. I also feel like I should delete him or block him or something as my friend told me to do, but I didn’t feel the need to do that. I felt like it would be a slap in the face to him and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way, but another part of me know that we’ll never ever be like we used to be so why not make a clean-cut. I have blocked people’s phone numbers and stuff like that, but that always makes me want to contact them that much more so I don’t do that much anymore. Now since I don’t get on social media much and I don’t watch his snaps I feel like it will give us another form of freedom to do and say what without questioning if this is something he would like to see or whatever. I guess I have to block him lol. Sorry not sorry.

I did just block him, and I’m already thinkin of ways I’ll be able to contact him or find him on snapchat lmao wtf is wrong with me!? 

At this point it has nothing to do with snapchat and everything to do with me and this os going to be a mind over matter situation. If I feel the need to post on snapchat I will do so and I was going to unblock him I guess in hopes that he would snoop and he probably would, but who cares I don’t need that anyway. I also felt like it was too tempting having him there in my blocked box, but I could easily find him anyway so no which way is extra tempting than the other. I just have to not give a fuck the same way he doesn’t. I feel free and out there, but I think the freedom to not give a fuck is the best feeling.

I appreciate every single one of my readers for allowing me to express my crazy thoughts and accepting me for who I am and not who I am supposed to be.

 

Sleeping With Married Men With Pregnant Wives

Posted on by Stripper Notes

I know this world has always been an unfair place and women are often dealt the short end of the stick, but there are many bad things that some women bring on themselves. Yes I am a stripper, but I wouldn’t even sleep a single customer let alone a married one. Bad things are going to happen to all of us in life, but I highly believe that when you are a good person and treat people the way you would like to be treated karma will be in your favor. That is actually a natural law of life. When you are on an honest path honesty follows you like a charm, but when you behave like a snake the snakes will follow you.  Women who sleep with married men often say that is not a position they want to be in and even say they want to get out lol. Girl you were never in.

Disclaimer this story is not to bash only to inform and enlighten. 

I have a close friend who dances with me. I met her at a previous club and I respect her to the utmost. She’s smart, beautiful and unapologetically black which I love. We also have lots of discussion about men and we go back and forth about ideas sex & relationships. I’ve made mistakes in my past, but one thing I’ve always been uncomfortable with is men who are married. Being in a relationship is one thing, but marriage is a whole other issue to me. I’ve heard her mention this guy just randomly and I thought it was nothing, because that’s how she made it sound. She would just casually say that she has a guy friend who is married and she knows he loves her, but he’s married and is tired of his wife. That’s all well and fine, but you know that he’s married so I feel like if he isn’t going to respect his marriage don’t make it easy for him to be unfaithful by just offering yourself up. At this time I literally just thought they were friends so I didn’t care. I’m a stripper I’ve met tons of married men, but I would never want to be with any of them because I don’t want to cause another woman pain. She now tells me she had sex with him and it was nothing she just wanted some sex and he gives her money, fixes her flat tires blah blah blah. This man’s wife is also 6 months pregnant and has other children by him. This is also a man significantly older than her so I’m sure he is very well aware of what he is doing. 

The problem to me is that my friend says it’s just sex and she doesn’t really want much of anything from him except money and sex because they are just friends. I know she would like to believe its just sex I know it’s not and she’s setting herself up to get hurt. One of the previous guys I was involved with is trying to come back into my life. He’s feeling the distance and I know he misses me in general, but our relationship was just unhealthy to sum the whole thing up. I feel like I did the right thing by walking away even though it was very hard because of the sex. Sex will successfully complicate any situation if there is no true mutual understanding before the sex. We clearly had no mutual understanding at all just lots of passionate meaningless shagging, Once I walked away my mind was so much more clear and I could plainly see everything for what it was. (He is not married). When sleeping with married men sometimes those women don’t see things for what they are. Why would you sleep with a man who is lying to his own wife? If he is lying to his wife you have to know that he’s easily lying to you. Moreover this same friend always talks to me about how god will find her a good man and she’s just getting herself together in the time being. That is the same god that brought that man into that womans life. I find sleeping with a guy you’re not in a relationship with can lead to a huge problem but sleeping with a married man is just a crisis. I only feel bad because I already know where this is going and for my friend I feel like she’s setting herself up for some major bad karma. Being single does get lonely sometimes, but being lonely feels a whole lot better than being in an empty relationship with a married man. I want a boyfriend with no boundaries. A true bae. When I look at my life right now yes I’m single, but I’m 10x happier not worrying about what my  “untitled sex partner who I wish were my boyfriend but won’t commit” is doing.

Karma is also a very real thing and history has a funny way of repeating itself. When bad things happen to people they blame the world and never look at what they may have possibly done for those bad things to occur. I’m just very disappointed in my friend. Of all the men you could have had sex with for money you choose a married friend who you says loves you, but I’m sure he loving more people than you. The sad thing is she can only blame herself and after all of this is all said and done she’s going to have to face that fact. Ladies it may seem harmless sleeping with a married man, but if you ever want to get married imagine how you would feel if your husband did what you are doing with someone else’s husband. And please don’t fall for a man who just shit talks his wife, because that is also another bad sign. That is the type of man who only want to use you whether you realize it or not. If he’s giving you money you have to decide if you’re satisfied with the way you are earning that money and if whatever he is giving you is even worth it. Don’t sell yourself short.

Ladies I’m going to end this one for you :). If you’re involved with a married man do the responsible thing and show yourself some respect you deserve better! You are worthy of true love. If you are a married woman and know that your husband is cheating you are in my heart and stay strong. You are also worthy of love and sometimes we have to distance ourselves from people for them to appreciate us and if you find that you are living a mentally healthier life without him then more power to you and even more power to you if you choose to fight for your marriage. Whoever you are I love you.

The Issue With Me and Weed

Posted on by Stripper Notes

So as soon as my case was over I think I smoked weed like immediately, but not chronically at that point. Then my birthday came around like the very next month and I decided to treat myself frfr. I had my sister flying in for a bunch of family events and she seriously stresses me out. As soon as my birthday came it was just hectic running around all day and I didn’t feel like the birthday girl at all lol. So That was the end of May and by that time I had customers buying me tons of weed and purchasing myself a little. I didn’t really see any effects yet and then June rolls around and I go visit my ex in San Diego which was like a ton of more stress and I wasn’t smoking on that trip …. much lol. I had a few hits of a lil party weed that’s it. As soon as I go to the airport in San Diego I can describe my anxiety as a full 10. I was having a very difficult time and my appetite was a zero. I also came back home to family burdens which I distance myself from in the comfort of my home as you guys  know I moved a few months ago.

So no here we are in the middle of July. The very next day I came back from San Diego I didn’t think I would need or want weed that badly, because I forget about the effects of it once I’m sober I just know I want it. It doesn’t stop me from working, but it does stop me from executing plans and that’s a huge issue. I enjoy exercise, hiking, healthy eating and the whole shebang, but since I wasn’t eating much in San Diego I felt a little frail and weak so I wasn’t going to be doing much exercise however the very next day I went for a very rejuvenating 2.5 hour hike and it was so awesome I didn’t want to leave. exercise is definitely an alternate to smoking weed, but its a little more of a climb to the top and mental thing because you have to get mentally and physically prepared to do that kind of thing. So I’ve been smoking weed more than heavily and I could absolutely tell that it was absolutely putting me in a draggish kind of mood however it was absolutely giving me mental motivation to not think about stressors in my life or just put them into a higher state of perspective. And I love that because there are just some things about life that I can’t change and it makes me feel like I have an understanding when I’m high. Lol typical stoner attitude. I’m actually not high right now and I woke up very hungry and then it went away ugh. Anyway I planted some flowers that have been on the porch for months and I’m also writing effortlessly probably because I’m feeling this topic. I’m also listening to some good music and vibing. I realize also that I have a shit ton of things to do this week.

I do entertain the thought of not smoking and that’s absolutely possible. I thought about that again annnnnnd ummmmm lol idk about that so I think I’m gonna see how I feel for a while without smoking and I feel fine now because writing is also like a drug to me. Oh and my little jump off in Atlanta is like not on  my mind which is like a success but if it’s not him it’ll be someone and that’s also keeping me kind of grounded. I loved this man before I went to San Diego and while I was there I missed him, but after I got back I was so not giving him any thought. You guys know the feeling. Looking at your phone at every move wishing and hoping its them texting you and he did contact me, but I’m so not there in that moment anymore. He also wanted me to come over one late late night for one of those times we used to have, but I just couldn’t I wasn’t feeling it at all. I used to really really dream of that, but now its not there anymore and I don’t want to start that back up with him because he makes me feel like a dangerous woman lol and I love it, but the relationship is definitely not healthy and I’m just over it at this point. Ummmm with him out of my mind it kind of cancels out the other situation as well so its like a weird limbo feeling. I think I liked the thought of me and somebody whether it was him or my ex and now it seems like all of that was just ideas I couldn’t let go of because it definitely  wasn’t real. Weed really makes all of that disperse.

All in all I think I’m not going to stop smoking weed and instead I’m going to stick to more of a schedule. I love reading, writing, exercising, hiking and the whole bit and those are the important things in my life. Instead of wake and bake I’m going to wake up and stick to my routine so I’ll be full energy and smoke weed once I’ve completed everything. I also will smoke weed before and after work. The other issue is that it’s so easy to just spark up the blunt and go without realizing the effects. Anyways in another attempt to be honest and transparent with myself I appreciate those of you who read this with understanding and know that that not one us is perfect so put that in perspective as I really really try to do 🙂

Smoke Responsibly 😉

I Love Myself #DoItAfraid

Posted on by Stripper Notes

So my birthday is this month and before I get started writing I have to acknowledge the fact that I am truly a different person right now than I was last year. I was not in a good place and now I’m in an amazing place mentally. I may not be perfect, but I have everything I dreamed of having for a long time which are really simple things, but they are still massively important to me and my happiness. Growth is scary, but its a beautiful thing when you are grateful for where you came from and everything you have worked for. I’m guessing you guys want to know what I grew from and where I was in my life since you’re still reading. Well first of all I’m sure we all get those mini mid-life crisis when we are transitioning from one measured age in our lives to another age and this was absolutely me. I was feeling like I hadn’t done enough, but I was desperately trying to be positive about where I was in life and what I had to live for, but it just wasn’t working. I was still in school and unable to focus on what I was studying because of my life at home with my family, I didn’t have a job because I quit my job that was the source of much personal unhappiness for me as well, I was still living at home after a failed attempt to move out, I felt like I was not getting the support I wanted and needed from my family with my career choices such as business, modeling and acting. I was also in very unhealthy relationship that I didn’t even realize was as unhealthy as it was because I loved the person so much and finally I was 5’6 and 75 lbs due to the amount of stress I had on my life. I am young, but I felt that my physical looks were fading due extremely low weight that I felt I could not get control of due to my severe emotional nosedive. I had extremely low self esteem during this time in my life because I had realized that people I loved such as family and men were essentially using me and it was hard for me to understand how people who were supposed to love me could make me feel this way. You have to learn to let go of people, places and thoughts that are not serving you. It was then when I realized that it was me who allowed them to do it and I decided I wanted a change. After my 23rd birthday I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital for women and there were girls in there as young as 14 to as old as 65. I was still very stubborn, about my emotional situation, but I did learn to eat correctly and gain weight while I was there. I had much emotional counseling which I resisted as well.

Today I am the person I am because I learned how to begin to put myself first. I look back and I’m just a totally different person. Just totally different. I still make mistakes and I am not perfect, but I’m happy with life and I’m happy with the progress I have mad and will continue to make. Its like one day I woke up and everything I wanted is here in my lap. No it isn’t as glamorous or as perfect as I would like it to be, but its what I wished for. I think things will continue this way if I truly aim for all the stars I want. I was aiming for mediocrity and that’s basically what I got, but life will continue and I know if you hold a thought in your mind long enough and actually work towards it it will eventually happen.It is very  I wanted to move out and become. I never imagined I would be here where I am, but here I am.

Lastly I want to acknowledge my cousin who interrupted this post that I was working on this morning, but I appreciate her and he call because she gave me a good message. In my family the women truly inspire and encourage each other. I was up in Philly with her last year during this time for her birthday and my birthday and also trying to escape negativity. I had a conversation with her about how I believe in her and I really want to see her live her dreams and become the great hair stylist that I know she can become. She is also a mother of two and has a really busy schedule with learning this whole motherhood thing that us young women are thrown into and we’re lucky if the man even stays and helps, but most of the time they don’t. She does have a really great boyfriend who is there for her though and I’m so glad. She was talking to me about how she wants a part time job, but her new baby is only 2 months so she doesn’t want to leave him and I always tell her to just do a few heads of hair a week and that will be extra money, but she hasn’t started doing that yet. I was however very very happy to hear that she finally received her mannequins in the mail and she will be practicing hairstyles and she will be working on getting clients! I know trying new things are very scary, but she said the best piece of advice a woman once gave her was “Do it afraid” and that’s so perfect. That little phrase is a short and sweet way to describe how we all feel about new things. I do everything new very afraid, but I eventually get better at what I am doing and it is no longer fear driving the action, but expertise. Fear is a real thing, but you only have to fear something you haven’t tried and  you can only try something once, after that you are “practicing” or just doing it lol. I’m going to do more things afraid and love every moment. Practice does make perfect, but you have to “do it” first.

Love where you are. Love Where you were. Love where you are going. 

Stripper Prayers

Posted on by Stripper Notes

So in case you don’t know there is great power in prayer and this does not pertain to any specific religion. I like to also refer to prayer as meditation, but there is great spiritual power in the acct when I call in prayer. Everything I am saying is from my personal experience and you are also entitled your own practices, however I ‘m guessing if you are reading this blog then you find my opinion somewhat valuable. I don’t feel like I pray as much as I should and much o this comes from laziness and fear.I don’t think I have to explain the laziness, but I will. I sometimes allow myself to believe the lie that I don’t have time to pray or it will take too much time and its wasteful. There can be enormous power in a five minute prayer and if you don’t have five minutes a day to dedicate to your life’s purpose then you may very well be really lost for a long time.

There is the greater power to why I lack the act of prayer sometimes and its fear, yes fear. The definition of fear according to google.com is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”. I somehow convinced myself that prayer is the reason for bad things happening thus I feared something so beneficial to my well being. I believe I once thought that if I didn’t get everything I prayed for exactly the way I prayed for it that the reason my prayers weren’t fulfilled was simply because of the act I took in praying.Fear is such strong emotion it can keep you from accomplishing a lot of things you want to pursue in life.

In the same fashion, I also feared prayer for the completely opposite reason. I feared that everything I prayed for would come to be and I wouldn’t be able to handle such responsibility, thus losing everything I’d be praying for because of me. Prayer is so powerful. Prayer gives you guidance and gives your purpose a path to follow. Prayer is the inner light leading the way and you are the captain with the orders to give. Through prayer there is no wrong answer and you will be in the hands of the highest protection.

I want you to receive a clear illustration of prayer so I will tell you some ways of prayer that work for me. Ok first off the highest form of prayer for me is solitude. In my moment of solidarity is the scariest and most vulnerable and it is when I am of most use to myself. Most of the time I prefer complete silence, unless I am vibing to wise words of powerful noises. I like to close my eyes and trust that I am alone and can follow myself. I take this time to assess what I want and how I can presently my moves immediately to be closer to what it is I am praying for. I am normally in a highly alert state of mind at this time and the directions are very clear. Furthermore I leave no room for doubt and my opinion is the only opinion that matters, because ultimately happiness is the choice I have to make for myself and any outside opinion is selfish and that’s a humanly fact. Nearing the end of this prayer I send signals of gratitude for the ability to receive this powerful strength of enlightenment and moreover the high rate of motivation and end the prayer before I become side tracked. I normally don’t become very sidetracked during prayer because every message is clear and each moment is precious.

I’ll end this with a more mild, yet equally intense form of prayer and this prayer is once that I perform when I am in highly sensitive situation in the presence of other people. I somehow create a mental focal point and recite a mantra for how I want the situation to end or to affect me. For example I was recently having a discussion with a family member that had taken advantage of my kindness and was attempting to convince me that the lord forgave them and basically didn’t take any responsibility for the way they treated me. I wanted to remain calm which was becoming difficult, because I felt like they were trying to open the door to treat me this way again. At some point in the conversation I became conscious that this was not the type of situation I wanted to continue to be manipulated in and I chose to pray for forgiveness for my anger towards that person. I prayed for forgiveness for my anger because this is a person I love and I do not want my anger to allow me to hold a grudge and I am still able to be aware of what caused the anger thus having the ability to exit the situation properly and not enter the situation again. I also  took that time to reflect on what kind of relationship I want to have with this family member for future reference and I came to the conclusion our relationship is better left on the surface and anything deep shall only be lightly touched and not entertained. I also limit the interaction I have with this person, because that can be a subconsciously detrimental if you don’t properly assess the company you keep whether they be a family member or not.

I am still fearful of this growing process, but I will focus on the happiness I am afraid of and be strong for that.