So I’m fresh from vacation and I made myself some promises for returning. I was so lost about what I wanted to do and what I realistically was actually going to do. Saving up to travel is one of those things for me that is a sacrifice, but once I begin it kind of takes on its own snowball effect into perfection. Career and success building is much different. In Career in success you have to make that action move so the universe can give you that next step to take. Personally speaking I can freak myself out of not even taking that first move. I easily spent thousands of dollars on vacation and every dollar was well spent, because that was what I worked hard for. On the other hand there is also that dissatisfaction when the vacation is over and the money is spent tho. When I got back from San Diego I was so emotionally torn and numb that I knew I had to quickly go on another vacation. San Diego turned out to be a big ball of anxiety. I love that city and can’t wait to go back tho. So after I came back from Miami I was still a little lost and once again trying to figure out what just happened over the past few months with my ex coming and going and all of that. I still love and respect him and probably always will. I remember when I first met the new guy 2 years ago he pitched all the perfect business shit to me and to no surprise it was all smoke and mirrors. He may mean well, but simply falls short and I can’t blame him for my own demise. It up to me to get off of the sinking ship and save myself because we all remember what happened to Jack from Titanic when he was messing around with old Rose lol.
With all of that being said I am very proud of myself as of late. I painted my first piece and hung it up in my room and just the act of having to gather all of the materials and create something from my own mind inspired me to stick to my word of becoming a better person. Art also makes your space feels like a different place so I will be purchasing and making more art. After I hung up the piece I was feeling frustrated like a “what now” feeling. So I dug deep into my mental and asked myself what I wanted and what I wanted to do and this is a hard question for anyone so I’m no different. At this point I was feeling stumped and honestly I think I was purchasing things to make me happy and you know how that goes. It kinda gives that “one night stand effect”. For the longest I have made many excuses as to why I haven’t produced more out of my eBay store and I could give a million excuses and the only excuse is laziness. I’ve been holding myself back and of course not on purpose, but that’s still the fact. There are things that I said I’ve needed for years and could have purchased 10x over, but I saw those things as sacrifices that weren’t worth the greater good so I put business investments on the back burner. I also doubt my ability too much and lose focus of the hard work it takes to make something succeed. Successful people make it look so easy, but the truth is they just worked extra hard with the tools and time they were given Successful people do not take opportunities for granted and see the longterm value in sacrifices. I think I’ve been content with mediocrity for too long and now that I am aware of that I’m excited to be doing new things.
I am also a young woman so to exclude relationships would be absurd lol. I gave a little thought to my lack of personal achievements and relationships and I ask myself a few questions. In proof reading this it seems to me like my careers and my personal life have a striking resemblance. They both exude a lazy, unkempt nature. I can’t believe I’m just now really seeing this. At this point I see things clearly and its up to me to do something about what see. Lets be clear I am prepared to be happily single for happiness 🙂 So If I were in a relationship with the people I want to be with would I still be ignoring my dreams and goals or smashing them? Now as a woman we do seek validation from the men we love and there is no getting around that, and I do love making someone who has been a cheerleader for me proud of me, however I don’t see success for myself with either of the men I “want” to be with so I think I’d obviously still be in the same boat. One of them is still young and doesn’t know how to even be in a relationship and the other guy surprisingly at 41 still has a lot of personal growing to do as well. Bottom line a relationship isn’t in the cards for me right now and isn’t the end all be all of life. Yes I may talk about it a lot, but I can’t ignore the feeling it so I will express it. I honestly need to spend some time getting to know myself a lot better. Like many women I’m too giving and I get left out in the cold when I am in need so the best remedy for that is self-care and I know it’s easier said than done. The lonely journey will definitely be intersting and has already proved to be so.
I would like to send in saying I am STILL very proud of myself. I am being very responsible with my money and doing things for myself I only dreamed of a few months ago. I finally have my own space, I travel to amazing places and my work ethic is amazing. I do still have some fears of success, but I’ll still be in this same place years from now if I don’t take these risks right now. These days instead of blowing my money into relaxing spa days I’ve been investing in equipment for my business that I know I need. Being a one man band is hard, but I learned my lesson with working with people and I’d rather have someone work for me, because when you can fire someone you have a different kind of leverage. I find that people will never take your business as serious as they take their own or want to just plain steal all of your ideas which is basically the old crabs in a barrel. Now a days when I have some kind of success of happiness happening in my life I am hesitant to tell people, because let’s be honest you know most people don’t mind you doing well until you start doing better than them. Being an entrepreneur really is a lonely road and that is not a negative thing it’s just another part of the equation so don’t give up and don’t listen to the haters. As long as you work hard and remain true to your goals you will be fine.
I love you guys 🙂