The Issue With Me and Weed

So as soon as my case was over I think I smoked weed like immediately, but not chronically at that point. Then my birthday came around like the very next month and I decided to treat myself frfr. I had my sister flying in for a bunch of family events and she seriously stresses me out. As soon as my birthday came it was just hectic running around all day and I didn’t feel like the birthday girl at all lol. So That was the end of May and by that time I had customers buying me tons of weed and purchasing myself a little. I didn’t really see any effects yet and then June rolls around and I go visit my ex in San Diego which was like a ton of more stress and I wasn’t smoking on that trip …. much lol. I had a few hits of a lil party weed that’s it. As soon as I go to the airport in San Diego I can describe my anxiety as a full 10. I was having a very difficult time and my appetite was a zero. I also came back home to family burdens which I distance myself from in the comfort of my home as you guys  know I moved a few months ago.

So no here we are in the middle of July. The very next day I came back from San Diego I didn’t think I would need or want weed that badly, because I forget about the effects of it once I’m sober I just know I want it. It doesn’t stop me from working, but it does stop me from executing plans and that’s a huge issue. I enjoy exercise, hiking, healthy eating and the whole shebang, but since I wasn’t eating much in San Diego I felt a little frail and weak so I wasn’t going to be doing much exercise however the very next day I went for a very rejuvenating 2.5 hour hike and it was so awesome I didn’t want to leave. exercise is definitely an alternate to smoking weed, but its a little more of a climb to the top and mental thing because you have to get mentally and physically prepared to do that kind of thing. So I’ve been smoking weed more than heavily and I could absolutely tell that it was absolutely putting me in a draggish kind of mood however it was absolutely giving me mental motivation to not think about stressors in my life or just put them into a higher state of perspective. And I love that because there are just some things about life that I can’t change and it makes me feel like I have an understanding when I’m high. Lol typical stoner attitude. I’m actually not high right now and I woke up very hungry and then it went away ugh. Anyway I planted some flowers that have been on the porch for months and I’m also writing effortlessly probably because I’m feeling this topic. I’m also listening to some good music and vibing. I realize also that I have a shit ton of things to do this week.

I do entertain the thought of not smoking and that’s absolutely possible. I thought about that again annnnnnd ummmmm lol idk about that so I think I’m gonna see how I feel for a while without smoking and I feel fine now because writing is also like a drug to me. Oh and my little jump off in Atlanta is like not on  my mind which is like a success but if it’s not him it’ll be someone and that’s also keeping me kind of grounded. I loved this man before I went to San Diego and while I was there I missed him, but after I got back I was so not giving him any thought. You guys know the feeling. Looking at your phone at every move wishing and hoping its them texting you and he did contact me, but I’m so not there in that moment anymore. He also wanted me to come over one late late night for one of those times we used to have, but I just couldn’t I wasn’t feeling it at all. I used to really really dream of that, but now its not there anymore and I don’t want to start that back up with him because he makes me feel like a dangerous woman lol and I love it, but the relationship is definitely not healthy and I’m just over it at this point. Ummmm with him out of my mind it kind of cancels out the other situation as well so its like a weird limbo feeling. I think I liked the thought of me and somebody whether it was him or my ex and now it seems like all of that was just ideas I couldn’t let go of because it definitely  wasn’t real. Weed really makes all of that disperse.

All in all I think I’m not going to stop smoking weed and instead I’m going to stick to more of a schedule. I love reading, writing, exercising, hiking and the whole bit and those are the important things in my life. Instead of wake and bake I’m going to wake up and stick to my routine so I’ll be full energy and smoke weed once I’ve completed everything. I also will smoke weed before and after work. The other issue is that it’s so easy to just spark up the blunt and go without realizing the effects. Anyways in another attempt to be honest and transparent with myself I appreciate those of you who read this with understanding and know that that not one us is perfect so put that in perspective as I really really try to do 🙂

Smoke Responsibly 😉

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