Whats up yall its 8:00 am and I had a CRAZY weekend. All the people in my life who know I dance I basically don’t talk to them much, because even though I feel like they don’t judge me I still feel like they don’t understand what I do and it gets exhausting having the same boring conversation with people who think my life is so amazing and they have no idea.
Well anyway it’s my 2nd week back and I intentionally mentally prepared myself to return to the strip club. It took me a lot of mental strength because I’m highly focused on school and I also still had a little feeling for the older guy I was talking to and if you don’t know I had met him before I started dancing.
So before I went to work I went to a mice Brazilian steak place here in Atlanta with a customer. I wasn’t all that impressed because I get offered fancy dinners and vacations all the time so it was ok. He was 40 year old white guy from Czech Republic and he was a putting on the black persona. He drove a Maserati, listened to Lil Boosie and obviously likes young black women. FYI he isn’t the pimp lol. I really just accepted the date because I knew he would drop me off at work afterwards and I needed the ride.
So after he dropped me off I was at work and since I only worked one day this week I knew I couldn’t come in here and play around. I came ready with my beauty and confidence to match and I was well received by the customers because they can smell the confidence and they love it. I was hopping around from customer to customer and near the end of the night a tall, balding, mid 30 something very dark skin and not attractive, but sweet black man wanted me to dance for him. He said he had been watching me all night and he saw me last week too and was disappointed that we didn’t speak. SO I danced for him and he was very respectful and not cheap either which is always a plus.
He asked me if I did private dances and normally I do, but in the past I have only done them for white men, because I know I will be in full control with them and money is guaranteed, but I trusted this guy so I agreed. Remember I’m not driving right now so he waited for me outside and then we went to get some late night Jamaican food. On the way to these places he was telling me that he’s a manager for girls and he wanted to make me a star and work with me and give me more money. He offered me $2,000 a week first and then offered to get me a new car and apartment, that was a little fishy to me, but I was just thinking hey maybe he just like me a lot. He continued to tell me stories of how he gets girls together as entertainment for high paid athletes which doesn’t sound like a stretch from the truth.
See this is my problem with being a dancer. Everyone thinks we have a price. I am truly doing this to support myself and love drives me to have sex not money. He was telling me how he gets these girls out of town and find clientele for them and I don’t know why I never put two and two together when we were on the way to his apartment. By the time we got there it was about 4:30 am and I maybe danced for 30 minutes then he started offering me money to have sex with him and that’s when I knew I had to go. He was telling me that he would take care of me and give me anything I wanted. I kept telling him I did not have a price and if I did it was very high. To be honest I am the most beautiful girl in that club so I could get whatever I demanded from the right person. In the end he offered me $5,000 for sex and I turned that down and he offered me $1,000 for a hand job and I thought about that one a little harder, but he didn’t have the cash and tried to PayPal it to me which I knew was some bs.
While he was extra aroused I quickly put my clothes on and ordered a Lyft because I could tell this man really wanted to have sex and I didn’t know him like that so I didn’t want to come off as afraid and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I am content with the money I made dancing, but my heart won’t let me lay down with someone I don’t have a natural attraction too. I think at this point I’m not too old to be tricked by someone I think loves me, but I can’t be fooled by a complete stranger offering me money to sleep with him. He was a really nice guy, but this is my body and I’m the one who has to sleep at night thinking about what I did for a little bit of money that won’t even last. I used to get sad about degrading my body as a dancer and thinking the man I loved was disgusted by me or something, but after that night I will no longer feel that way, because dancing naked is one thing, but having sex would have changed my perception of myself and I’m already damaged enough I don’t need that on me too.
I was very curious about prostitution after that so I did a quick google search and read an expert from a book that a prostitute wrote and everything she wrote is my feelings about dancing and worse. I’m also reading a book for one of my classes that goes in depth about the morality of selling sex and casual sex. After that night I will value my sexuality even more and know the worth of it even more. The guy also told me he was sad I turned down all of his offers and he wasn’t sad because I said no he was sad because he felt like he failed as a businessman. This isn’t someone who cared about how I would feel this is someone who just wanted purchase and use me. I have sex out of love not use. If I have sex with someone they should not doubt that I love them. because for me its so much more than an act and I think if we all felt that way no one would get hurt, but we do have manipulators and liars out there, but that doesn’t change the way I feel just because they chose to degrade me.
Ok ladies (and maybe gents lol). All in all I would like to say there is nothing wrong with having sex for money because that is your choice even though I don’t recommend it just like I don’t recommend dancing if you don’t have a strong mind. You will more than likely end up in situations like this and if you are desperate you can be taken advantage of easily.
Lastly watch out for men who say they “manage dancers” or anything like that. That can also be modern code for PIMP!
Stay sweet girls and shout out to one of my lovely readers who contacted me a few weeks ago. It shocked me very much because I try to remain anonymous as possible and I even hid my life from many friends and family, because I fear being their source of entertainment. There is nothing worse than a friend who feeds on your pain and be clear that the adult entertainment industry can be very painful for many women and it is not something that should be romanticized or made into comedic relief. This is real life for many women and we are just trying to survive so please respect us as human women with real emotions. If I can be a source of inspiration and motivation for a woman in as much pain as I’ve been in then that makes me happy.