Do Not Allow People To Enjoy Resources WITH YOU That You Worked For ALONE!

As you all know I am a major advocate for online passive money it s not something that happens over night. It takes time to learn how to work these programs and experience. People mistake consistent passive income for easy income and there is no such thing. They see the money coming in with little effort and want to know all the secret free you worked so hard for. Any entrepreneur knows the key to making money is a formula and no two formulas are the same and will work for everyone. That is why you have stores that are similar, but not the exact same.

I say this to say the more you learn the and earn the more wealthy you will become whether you choose to translate that into dollars or not. The ability is there and do not sell yourself short thinking your abilities are not of use. Believe me there is some vulture somewhere waiting for you to devalue yourself so they can use your secret sauce for their own gain. Be very careful of close friends, family members and co workers in this aspect. They will hear all of your ideas and get the idea that of you can do it they can too not taking into account that they are actually stealing from you and its up to you to protect your property. What you don’t value someone else will. The quote I have been using lately is “The grass is not greener on the other side the grass is green where you water it”. This is something people do not realize for themselves so this is why it is so easy for them to steal from you even if they don’t consider it stealing. Even if you don’t consider it stealing.

The moral of this blog post is do not let these fly by night acquaintances enjoy the benefits of you work ethic and creative talent if they had no part in helping you get to where you are. Now I see why other celebrities date other celebrities. There are some cool regular people, but be careful of the vultures that did not believe in you and now feel entitled to some of your benefits and earning simply because they hung onto to  coat tail like a parasite for all these years waiting to feed off of your efforts knowing the did nothing to add to the growth of you.

I’ve been feeling this way because the man I was dating for the past few years is something like this. I had to star being majorly secretive with him, because I noticed he enjoyed my intellect and fresh spirit for growth, but he did nothing to aide this growth. No monetary help and no real moral support either. Its been a few years since I chose to be secretive wit him and now he is expressing his feeling of not knowing me and this was purposeful for me. I knew what I was doing by secretly making moves. As much as I liked him I was not about to allow someone to enjoy my growth that did not contribute to my growth. Sadly same goes for my family. When I have exciting things happening in my family I am not so quick to share with them either, because I cam to realize they were holding me back with every conversation I had with them. Having somebody to share success with is very special, but it is very important to also know who not to celebrate success with. Its fine to converse cordially with some people, but allowing them to reap the benefits of something they did not support is something that could actually set you back many steps. I have chosen to express my love for people who express their love and appreciation for me which is why O love my readers and viewers so much. You guys love me enough to enrich yourselves with this information I choose to gracefully share and not devalue me while trying to feed off of me like a vulture. Sadly this is what people close to you will do so remember! Do not allow people to enjoy resources you with you that you built ALONE!

Thank you for reading ūüôā¬†

My Youtube Crush Expressed His Crush For Me On Live Stream OMG

So you guys know I have been desperately trying to avoid my crush while also maintaining a normal subscriber relationship, but since I also create videos he gets to see me which is what fuels his crush (I’m thinking). So I love when he is on live and he has many many fans, but only a few that create videos I think.

Ugh he entered my DM’s one day last week and yes i was elated, but I had to politely decline and tell him that I was still a fan lol. Omg why do I have to reject someone that I want!? I just don’t even want to be the demise of someone’s relationship for my own personal pleasure and let be honest he’ll probably tell me whatever I want to hear to get what he wants. More over I’ll never know the real ins and out of his relationship and i could be walking into a world of trouble. I’ve been in those situations before and I hope I’ve learned my lesson. Bottom line what is for me is for me and what is for someone else is for that person. When you think you have all the power to have what someone else has worked for you will also be in a world of trouble no matter how much pleasure you think it will or is bringing you.

Like I said earlier I love the thought of him and I could just sit around all day thinking about him, but thoughts and actions are totally different things. The action of him should not happen and i think I made him feel bad by telling him I would not entertain him, but oh well his girlfriend wouldn’t want me all in his head making him think I’m just so awesome. Even tho I know I am awesome it would still be wrong to present myself in a loose fashion. Even discussing a liking for him is dangerous. He could be bored in his relationship and open to interacting with women and I don’t want to be one of those “how you get em is how you lose em” women even tho that could go in an way.

So he basically did a live stream, put my screen name and heart eyes by it as the title for his live stream. he clearly likes me and he says its because of how I look and who I look like, but I call bs on that. I don’t think someone would contact someone just ¬†because of how they look. That certainly isn’t what attracted me to him, but men and women are different. He is very attractive to me, but it isn’t his looks that I like since looks obviously fade.

Ultimately I’m backing down, but not out. Maybe I’ll stop commenting on his videos all together even tho I don’t think that is necessary. I also enjoy when he enjoys my videos, because I just do what I want to do and I appreciate people who appreciate my creativity.

Stripper Notes Where Have You Been and How Was Your Birthday!?

What’s up you guys I’ve actually started many posts that I haven’t published and my draft box has over 100 drafts in it as well, but I was feeling like posting anything on those topics since I was celebrating my birthday. I’ve been doing great just enjoying my summer. So my birthday was on May 27th and I went to Mexico for 5 days and it was amazing. I 100% enjoyed myself and it was my most amazing birthday to date. I’m going to celebrate this way in a different or favorite place every single year of my life and I’m never going to let anything or anyone stop me from being happy and celebrating my birthday the way I want especially if I’m going to have to pay for everything anyway. Last year I celebrated with my family and ended up paying for everything and not having a good time at all. I would have been better off just celebrating by myself. I enjoyed this year tho and it was a great start to my summer.

Since summer has started I’ve been able to work more and have a little bit more spare time, but I’m going to prepare to start school again pretty soon, because I want to be prepared. I need to do some paper work, register for classes and I’ll be set. Then I;m going to make my rent money for every month I will be in school because I don’t like to work that much when I’m in school because its very stressful to have test, quizzes, homework, papers and projects due while juggling bills and rent. That is very stressful especially with no help.

I told the guy I was dating to move on because he’s mediocre and inadequate and I don’t wish to live that way. I don’t know what kind of almost 42 year old man thinks he can date a young woman and not help her. He can take that ideology to someone else, because I don’t have time for that. Right now if the person that wants to date me can’t help me or doesn’t want to help me then we can’t date, because I need a lot of help especially from a 42 year old man who claims to be interested in me. You can’t be that interested if you don’t care about my livelihood as a young 25 year old woman. So with that being said I have a very full summer ahead of me. I’m excited to plan my life how I want it and get better at managing my time. I had a great semester last semester, but this semester will only be better! It makes me so happy to think of all the stress I am saving myself by planning ahead and using this time I have now to the fullest. I will thank, hug and kiss myself in the future months to come for all of the preparation I am doing.

I just wanted to pop in and say hello ūüôā

Why Men Think You Are Annoying

Are you that girl who always misses her boyfriend? You get upset when he doesn’t do the little small things you like so that leads you to be all up in his face and getting on his nerves which you perceive as annoying to him. He picks up on these insecurities an that is what is annoying to him. Let me tell you a secret. Men like to miss you too! I know we all love that burning feeling of missing someone. Especially if we really miss them and it doesn’t turn out to be a disappointment. The older I get the more I realize money does buy a lot of things I love and enjoy, but money can never ever buy happiness. Happiness is one of those things that you either have or you don’t and to truly have it with someone is very very special. The more single I get the more I realize that having someone who loves you the way you love them is a very special thing and of you feel like you have that with someone then tell and don’t be afraid of looking stupid, because at least you are real. Now with all that being said if you know in your heart that you have happiness with this person then you should feel secure. Secure people are focused on their own lives and living life to the fullest is not waiting by the phone for him to text or call you especially after you have been together for a while. Men want to have amazing things to say about their woman even if they say my woman is a stripper who goes to school full time, pays her own bills, travels, creates digital content herself and runs her own eBay store. Ladies sometimes our men can seem so amazing that we forget about ourselves and our talents. Men are lured in by the feminine talent you posses to create a beautiful life, but if he gets with you and you let yourself go it will all look like smoke and mirrors and he’ll become disinterested and you will also be disappointed in yourself for letting yourself go. Fisrt of all men are men and they don’t understand women stuff anyway so they would love for you to light the way and the right man will support you if he loves you. And if he doesn’t support you continue to support yourself and I promise the right man will eventually come along.

So what do I know about any or this? Well I’m a woman first of all and I know how it feels to like someone so much that it literally annoys them. Just like you you’re partner is human, but when you put them on these super human pedestals your whole life can start to shrink that moment. Not only is f frustrating for you, but its frustrating for your man as well. Men also have a hard time in life and sometimes they just want to snuggle up next to you and be babied as well. Sometimes it can be selfish of a woman to expect a man to pick up the weight financially if he cannot do that and there is simply no way around it. If you don’t live your life to the fullest and expect your man to take care of you fully you are accepting a life of servitude except of course if you have children, but I’m speaking to the single ladies with no children. I actually have no problem serving my man as long as he knows I am not a maid or a cook and that’s where maintaining yourself comes in so he knows who you are and who you are not.

I know its hard when you love someone to give them space, but too much time together can suffocate even the lovey doveiest love birds and on the flip side do not go out of your way to ignore your partner to prove a point. If you are ignoring someone for a response and a reaction that may backfire on you, but if you are really hurt by something they did and you don’t want to speak to them that’s another thing. If I’m ignoring someone I don’t expect them to call me ever again in life and if they make an effort to contact me then I reconsider if I’m feeling that way.

With all that being said please do not lose yourself in a relationship and become that annoying girlfriend who cannot live without her boyfriend. I know the penis can be good and make you want to lay under him all day, but be strong and let him be the one sniffing your butt, not the other way around. There is a such thing as natural spiritual gender roles and men need to chase something and they don’t like chasing fake food so be yourself! And love yourself

Now that I’m daydreaming about that good love he gave me yesterday I want to be annoying too, but I’ll save it for sunday, because I have to be serious until then.

I Am Speechless

You guyssssss I have obviously been going thru a lot in my life over the past few years and lord knows I’ve grown a lot. I mentioned a 41 year old man that I was “dating” before I started dancing and I was just gaga over him. I’ve cried over him, been stupid and all that, but above it all I stopped talking to him and stuck to my guns and finished school and secured my finances. He’s always been a disappointing “boyfriend” literally unreliable as i can believe. After three years I finally finally stopped caring and chose to focus on my own life no matter however painful that was idk why. When i thought about him in the past tense it was never good and I didn’t care to pursue anything with him any further. I had him on the block list for a few months and I did learn to live without him, because all he made himself was sex and let’s be honest ladies men are just as replaceable as women after a while. I removed him from the block list and then the text message came. “I miss you (my real name)” ugh I was literally so happy. Then I was confused and didn’t respond The shock and unwanted disappointment were too much stronger than the happiness so I just told myself I could continue to ignore him if he was ¬†just going to text me, because I’m sick of the texting its just wack and childish. Long story short he calls me later on that day and of course I answer ugh. I had a lot of time to think about him and I think I still feel the same way which is confused, but definitely all in for whatever ride he’s trying to take me on now lol. He was supposed to come over this morning at 9:00 and he was a little early. As soon as he got here he started kissing me. I kind tried to get him to stop, but not really. I was thinking a few nights ago that not only have I not had sex in months I also haven’t kissed anybody and that was not something I wanted to do with anyone else. I love kissing him. He’s so soft and sweet and all that. I day dream about sex with him. I can see how sex and love are like drugs, because with other guy’s I’ve dated we would get drunk and have sex sometimes, but this is different. I always thought I was the kind of girl that guys would have sex with and leave and life really can be a self fulfilling prophecy if you feel that way about yourself. If you always feel like everything is wrong with you and nothing is wrong with the other person then you will always fail. Even when relationships fail no one person should¬†be solely to blame, because we all have faults. I hate how society makes the woman feel like its something wrong with herself for allowing a man to have sex with her even if she LOVES it. I love having sex with him and it just brightened up my whole perception on the summer and life. If life is so bad I need this everyday. That may be unrealistic for the two of us, but sex definitely isn’t as bad as I was anticipating. I guess I always feel used after sex and not fulfilled and after all that good head he gave me there is no reason why shouldn’t have given him any cat. Lord knows ¬†I came over and over and over again lol. Ugh the only thing now is the after math. Well I have no expectations and I thanked him for the dick so we’re good. We’ve been seeing each other for 3 years and at this point I’m not too sure about the future of this relationship, because he’s moving too slow, but we’ll see and this was some good dick he gave me lol.

The dick was so good I’m just sitting here in silence enjoying the day. I might even read a book lol. No social media or youtube unless its extremely relaxing lol. I love this feeling and I love having the happiness bottled up inside. I’m not going to share this relationship with anyone I’m deciding right now. My friends and family don’t care and want to see it fail, because they don’t understand or care about what makes me happy. I also am not putting it on social media, because I don’t have time for the haters. I love having our love in a bubble and I’m not going to let anyone disturb that with their opinions and all that. I’m still gonna pretend like I need some dick lol. This is where all that grace and class needs to activated, because my hoe alert is going off and I can only hoe for one man. Its too draining to be a real hoe.

 

My YouTube Crush Said My Real Name On A Live Stream: Here we go again

so if you guys did not know I AM A GEMINI! lol. My birthday is May 27 and I will be 25 this year. I hate how people are saying twenty fine its so lame. I’m just 25! A young fresh GROWN WOMAN. Who is smart, sexy, loves art, loves myself, love everything about life that has to do with creating and making money and that’s just about everything!

I did just take a little puff of my J too so I’m one a little, but ¬†oh yeahhhhhh lemme get back to the story.

So even tho my crush gives me butterflies I still prevail and create content and he does too. I’m so inspired by him to do everything I want to do. I want his attention (purple smiling devil emoji)

I’m kind of having a power struggle in my mind tho. I want to focus on one guy, but I haven’t found one guy worth focusing on hence why I’m so distracted lol. I try to ignore his videos, but some of them I just like watching because of the content he makes and I know he knows what he’s doing. He’s about 32 and I just know he knows what a woman like me likes by now. So he did a live stream about some changes that he would be making on his channel and I wasn’t going to tune in, but i couldn’t help it. He was talking about how he wanted the subscribers his channel to behave themselves and don’t engage in malicious behavior. I feel like he knew I was on that Spongebob 24 hour live stream giving racists the business and I mean I was really going in lol. Just in a fun funny way he was saying please don’t tell people you will kill them and I would never do anything like that anyway unless i was in person lol. I wasn’t going to leave a comment, because I didn’t want to distract him, but I already know my presence is a distraction in general. So I went against my brain and left a comment and just said “I block all channels I don’t like” then he did the sexiest thing in the world and said my name, my real name. He just went on about how he wanted his channel to be a safe haven which is why he screens comments and then he said he wouldn’t want anyone trolling some other ladies and myself. I only left that one comment and left. I couldn’t lol. Now lets get some things in order that I understand. Him saying my name could just be one of his ways to gain more control of me as a “follower” or “subscriber”, he could also be playing the game with me. He probably likes to play too. Idk all I know is that’s the only contact I have had with him and he did a live stream that I kind missed on purpose, but he kinda just did a short one idk.

I will continue to also create content, because first of all he is inspiring me to speak my mind and I think that’s what I like about him the most. I was up all night just spewing out topics. Ughhhhhhhhh I want my crush to ignore me, but then again I don’t so maybe I’ll just stop commenting idk. ¬†What do you guys think?

Family Business: I Had To Cut Off My Manipulative Grandmother Monetarily

If I’m gonna tell a story I’m going to tell the whole thing and you guys know I don’t hold back because why?

So my grandmother has two daughters one being my mom of course and the other being my aunt and both by the same man who never married her. My grandma is very light skin and so is my aunt, but my mom is brown skin. Colorism is ¬†real thing in black families of you didn’t know. My mom also had the same issue with her two daughters and kinda did the opposite and favored my dark skin sister which is whatever to me I understand, but that still shouldn’t have happened anyway.

Long story short this blog post is about my 77 year old manipulative grandma who belittles my hard working mom and still puts her lazy paper hoarding, disgusting light skin daughter on a pedestal. She has 5 kids and 2 of them being by my mom’s ex fiance & another two by another one of my mom’s ex boyfriends and the last by a friend of my dad’s and my grandma never cared that my aunt did that to my mom. I always loved my grandma because she was my grandma and I guess she struggled as all black people do, but she also let my aunt mooch off of her and put down all the nice things my mom did for her I guess because she was jealous my mom is a better mom than her and actually loves her children and got my dad to marry her on top of that. I have never been close to my grandma for real because she also favored my ¬†sister and I never really cared, but now my grandma is old and is having some property issues with this land she has inherited way before she even had children. I remember once when I was 9 years old my grandma took me and my sister to the mall and she got my sister a new pair of shoes and didn’t get mt any and it took everything for me to hold in my 9 year old tears. I was so sad and didn’t understand why she would buy my sister something and not me. Now I know it was one of my grandma’s manipulation tactics to put me ¬†and my sister against each other the way she did my mom and aunt. That behavior subsequently made my aunt handicapped by the laziness of feeling like the entitled and privileged child and at 53 years old with 5 kids she barely raised she still feels the same way. She never even apologized to my mom for having kids by her fiance and lying to my youngest cousin’s dad for trying to pin those kids on him smh. My grandma basically raised my aunts kids, but clearly had her picks and chooses also and she chose to favor the boys who go in and out of jail. The only $100 tip I ever got working at Hooters I gave to my grandma the very next day to help pay taxes on her land and that was about 3 years ago. Now she owes the taxes again and I told her would help and she told me not to tell my mom so of course I told my mom. My mom told me all the low down dirty things my grandma continues to do to her and I pay my grandma’s phone bill which I shouldn’t because she has my 53 yo aunt and her 22 yo son living there. My mom also says my grandma just freely allows them to use the phone because of course they don’t have jobs so they have no phone except for stolen or government phones. The phone bill is only $25, but they can find $25 from somewhere else, because I do not support the mistreatment of the woman who carried me in her belly for 9 months and fed me all that good healthy food I needed to become the beautiful woman that I am today. I do not condone that and I will not financially support it. Oh did I mention that my grandma told my mom that she plans to only put my aunt’s name on the land only after I clearly had a conversation with my grandma and told her I was not putting my hard earned money towards anything that won’t have my name on it and she was quiet when I said that, because I guess she was taught that silence means consent, but it doesn’t when you are dealing with money. Money requires contracts ESPECIALLY when dealing with family and friends. She is in great health and spirits when I see her and hopefully she remains the same, but there is one final thing I want to say. We all have to die one day and it is very important to handle financial and family business before we go, because the last thing anybody wants to deal with is fighting after the death of someone we all love and cherish. So I am happy that I get to understand what is going on before my grandma passes on to the other side and hopefully she has many more healthy days to come, but I will not allow her to embarrass my mom beyond the grave once she is no longer here and doesn’t have to deal with the turmoil.

Why Me!? Crush Canceled

Ughhhhhhh you guys I’m so annoyed. 1st of all idk what would make me think that a man that has been in a relationship for 7 years will risk it all for me. Moreover I wouldn’t want him to risk it all for me. I’m a woman and I know how it feels to be put on the back burner so I wouldn’t want to be the one causing the pain of another woman for my pleasure. Now if he was ready to leave and it had nothing to do with me ok, but that’s not the case. He’s in a “loving” relationship and there is no end in sight so we will conclude that this man is not the one for me.

Flirting over, sub posts over, spiritual contact over, all things over ugh. I don’t like him like that, but as a woman we all know how good it feels to have the attention of a man and I know he also enjoys having my attention being that he’s been committed for 7 years. 7 years is a really long time and more than likely they will get married have kids and all that. I can’t and won’t wedge myself in between anything like that.

What made me come to this final decision is my house mom at one of my clubs. I was telling her I haven’t had sex in so long and I have a crush on this guy on the internet and she immediately shut it down. She told me that I don’t know him which is true, if he’s flirting with me he can’t be a good guy which also has some truth and lastly he just wants attention, because he has a girlfriend and lives in a whole other state. All that being said crush OVER! I can’t you guys. Where is he?! Where is my man.

Every time I like someone and it doesn’t work out I’m just so confused. Not as to why it ended, but just the fact that I’m at square one AGAIN! Its not a big deal, but I’m gonna have to sit on somebody’s face soon. I don’t want to have sex uncommitted anymore, but omg I’m gonna have to make an exception. I need to print out applications for these guys because honey I need this cat purred lol.

You Don’t Even Know Your Power

So you guys know love fuels literally everything in my life. If I’m not in a loving situation I’ll just be alone like I have been a lot, but now I’ve realized my powers. My power is to love and teach and all that, but mainly to love.

I think I haven’t been loved maybe because I didn’t love myself enough and that’s painfully obvious to the guys who have “known” me maybe, but to all future guys meet the new me. The new me knows her worth, she knows her power, she knows her abilities and she is not afraid to be herself. The new me also knows how to say no if its not in my best interest. My “crush” was asking some of his subscribers to some sort of symbol on their twitter handles and of course I would never do that. I am who I am and I am NOT a follower I am a leader. Even if no one is following I am still leading myself to be the best Stripper Notes I can be and not because someone I look up to me is advising me to do so. Not in the way I look up to him and he looks up to me lol. Well these are my powers. The ability to create. Its so weird that people consider this a talent, buy hey if the shoe fits I’ll wear it and SELL it! lol

 

 

Delicate Situations

So I’m single as idk what right now. My feminine energy is pouring out and I’m not feeling the single thing, but I know from experience that’s its better to wait on the right one, because being bored in the past has gotten me into too many situations where I settled for way less than I deserve.

The other day I was at work and I had three glasses of wine I started talking about how I wanted to be in love. My exact words were “*mopey face* I want to be in love*”I know I make the single thing look fun and easy, but I’m tired of it and I want mutual love. What is life without someone you love and loves you back to share it with. I get a lot of stuff done, but I love being in love its always the best time of my life until I realize it was never love for the other person. That’s why I’m taking my time.

The guy I had the feels for has been coming on to me too, but you guys know he has a girlfriend and I’m not interested in being in any kind of drama and I think he knows that. That’s why he flirts with me, because he knows I’m not going to try and threaten his relationship, but I don’t like the idea of being toyed with if I can’t have you.

When it comes to love and chemistry I think we can sense when someone likes us and I know he knows I like him and I know he likes me¬†as well. Its something that I’ve tried to be very delicate an respectful about, but I don’t know his girlfriend so I kinda don’t know what to do. I know I have loyalty to my sisters, family and friends, but a girl i don’t even know? I respect her relationship, but I still like her man lol. All I know is I don’t date guys in relationships and I totally don’t want them breaking up because of me. I don’t feel like those are good vibes.

The other part of me thinks everything happens for a reason and even tho this guy could be the worst guy ever I still have these feelings and you never know where life takes you. I’m almost 25 years old and I have to know what I want at some point and now is the point.

If you guys need a refresher on the guy he’s a youtuber who talks about black problems like colorism, cultural appropriation and love so it’d be very bad of him to entertain me. I also know he lives in New York and I live in Atlanta. I’m an adult and I know it isn’t that easy to pack up and leave, but I would do it for love. The only issue I have is I’d be out of my element and I’d have to have my own place, because you never know how things can go and I don’t want to be flying back to Atlanta with my tail between my legs like I did last year when I wen to go see my ex in San Diego. That was one of he worst emotional experiences ever. I loved San Diego, but I hated being there with him, because I feel like I was tricked into coming and it definitely wasn’t what I thought it was going to be like. I know people say we shouldn’t have expectations and things like that, but we SHOULD! I don’t see anything wrong with having high expectations for the best. We live in such a backwards society where people don’t even want to dream happy dreams in fear of their bubble being busted. Not as far as my ex wanting me, but I feel like he was just trying to play me in general by having me come out there and then act like he doesn’t know why I’m there. ¬†After about 2 of 9 days I was ready to go. ¬†I was so sad, anxious, nauseous, couldn’t eat and just sad all together. I never want to feel that again and I feel like I’ve had enough sadness for a lifetime.

So I know you guys probably think I’m crazy, to have a crush on someone I don’t even know, and barely communicate with, but I can feel us communicating spiritually.

I woke up at 5:00 am and I saw he was live so I went in to see what they were doing. As soon as I got on he got off and When I went live I did the same thing. I know he doesn’t want to play with fire and its fair of me to not want to play with it either. His lives are usually pretty chill and he usually has other people on there with him, but I haven’t seen his girlfriend on there which I think she should be from time to time if she is a big influence on his life. I think love should be the greatest inspiration and when I am in love I like to be inspired by my love. I can imagine how intimidated she must be by all the women who lust over and follow her boyfriend, and as a woman I kinda know how it feels to date someone who is so involved with other women.

As a woman who is growing I know love is important, but I also firmly know that I must focus on my own dreams and not let any man stop that and if a man really loves me he will be in full support of my journey the way I am in support of his even if he can’t see my dream and I can’t see his I still think its important to grow and support each other. I know a lot of women can lose themselves in relationships its happened to me many times and this time around I’m not letting myself go that easily so if a man whats me he has to want all of me.

As for this crush ( I hate calling it a crush) I’m not sure what I’ll do. I don’t mind the flirting that’s cool, but to entertain anything else may be a waste of time.

To be fair he doesn’t know I dance and I won’t be telling him, because I don’t think that should be up for discussion since I won’t be quitting for someone who is already in an established relationship and lives hundreds of miles away. I hate discussing the topic anyway. People think its this glorious thing and yes it can be liberating, but until someone lives this life I don’t think they have a valid idea of what I feel I go thru when I choose to do this.

I can’t wait until I have that person that I can confide in about my stress of dancing and them comfort me and tell me I’m smart enough to do whatever I want to do, but I don’t even have friends and family who tell me these things. The people that do know I dance are either jealous, because they think I’m not struggling or they romanticize it as if I’m a queen and all men bow to my feet. ¬† ¬† ¬†The reality is I work very hard I’m a full time student who took six classes, I take care of myself and I deserve everything I work for. If someone wants to walk in my shoes to see how hard I work to get what I want without any complaints then they can do that. I’m not into holding anyone’s hand if someones wants to be about this life them they need to do it alone like I had to do. I definitely didn’t have anyone holding my hand.

I love you guys and thanks for reading. I’ll be working very hard for the next two weeks for my birthday.

I won’t be getting anyone any lavish mother’s day or birthday gifts like I did in the past. This month is all about me.