So this birthday is different. This year I’m just chillin at home. Instead of going on a fancy vacation like I did last year I’m opting to save that money,and re-invest it back into myself. I am purchasing some classes for myself, I will also invest some of my money into the stock market and research other investment options.
2 was such an amazing fun year, and I know 26 will also be amazing, but as I get older I find more fun in doing responsible things, as I know there will be great rewards.
I’m a loving, beautiful, caring young woman, and I have cut off a lot of toxic people in my life so I don’t expect many genuine “happy birthday” and that’s fine.
I look around at the creation of a happy life i have manifested and I have no complaints! It seems like the oddest thing, but it also seems really normal to be content with not really doing anything typical people would call special.
I’ll probably stay home all day, because my older cousin said she had something coming for me so I’m kind of excited about that.
I also want to film more youtube videos. I have been researching narcissistic abuse so I sense those will be the topics of my videos to come.
I like live videos, but they are kind of invasive so I probably won’t be doing those as much. I like the idea of feeding people from a long handed spoon. I am an empath, and people get greedy.
This is a really interesting birthday, because I’m literally just at home. Its a special day to me, but its interesting, because as I am aware that it is my birthday i look at the rest of the world going a long not knowing anything about my birthday.
Its not as “depressing” as it sounds its actually quite liberating to be at a level of peace where nothing is needed, but the beauty and gratitude of life.
I am 26 today and my father whom I spoke about before on this blog who is likely a guilty narcissist won’t call or acknowledge my existence, as won’t any of the other people who I used to want acknowledgement from won’t either. I think this is more of a relief.
At this point in my life I’m well aware of the manipulative mental abuse that has been intentionally inflicted upon me, and I don’t expect guilty men to face their actions no matter the age or level of maturity and education they claim to have.
I was wrecking my brain this whole month trying to figure out if I would splurge on a trip, because last year I had fun, but I also was still in a healing phase,and I needed that. I do no need the same level of healing this year so that is not necessary to be honest.
I am at this unusual state of peace. I expected to not be happy, be disappointed from the very start of my day since I am alone, but I am actually experiencing this ascension of my mind and soul. It not easy to explain, but there is a light hearted feeling attached.
A feeling I have not felt in years, and certainly did not expect it happen on this day. Its the day I was born into this cruel world.
It feels like my anxiety is washed away, it feels like my depression is washed away, it feels like new beginnings are abundant.
I feel like this is where I knew I would be at this point in my life spiritually and emotionally. I was seriously mentally, emotionally abused, and at this point there is a victorious feeling.
I really don’t want these fake people contacting me to be honest. Its an insult to the dismissive way they treat me on a daily basis and in lieu of my special liberating day I may actually have to make them aware. Like just stop contacting me.
A lot of these people live like they think I need them, and I need them to know they have never been there for me, and there isn’t anything I need on their behalf.
I am deeply empathetic, and I know these people who have abused me know its my birthday.
My dad for example. He knows its my birthday unless he has tricked himself into avoiding this day, because he knows his tactics of destruction have not worked.
Also the men I have been involved with over the past years know its my birthday as well, but I don’t expect them to acknowledge me either knowing that i could care less either way, because they have shown their uselessness, and the know they are useless.
They are no longer able to control me mentally or emotionally. Its sad that people are this way, its also very liberating to me knowing who these people really are.
They use any situation to try to hurt me, because they are sick. They know they are not able to do that, and I think that is embarrassing for them. The coward has been shown and they cannot handle being exposed.
I don’t want anyone who has resentment towards me, especially if they are hiding it, and pretending to have love for me. ts the ultimate insult, and makes them even more unattractive.
Everyday of my life is a celebration, and anyone who doesn’t feel that way genuinely about me I certainly don’t want any false praise.
As a human its hard not to have expectations, but I am now no longer delusional in my expectations I have for others.
As for individual such as my father, if he gives me money for my birthday I’m happy, if he does nothing I’m still happy. Its sickening that he seemed to have thought I would be nothing without him helping my mom raise me, and now that I am healthy.
The feel the severe anxiety I have had since about age 12 is dissipating as I accept the separation required to heal. I’ve been struggling with my anxiety big time these past few weeks stressing over my birthday I think, but I am at this unexpected peace.
Thank you so much for reading my birthday post! This is my 3rd birthday post on this blog, and I am amazed at my growth. Its amazing, and I am only growing stronger, worthier, wiser, and more graceful.
I am grateful to be in the place I am in life right now, and I will never allow anyone to hinder me from the life I know I deserve.
Lastly I would like to say that birthdays put everyone in a vulnerable state, but no matter how old I get I will always know my worth!
I forgive, but I never forget. My strength is in my wisdom and ability to acknowledge the lessons that inspired the wisdom
SONG OF THE DAY – I Gotta Know You Now by Amy Winehouse