The Consequences of Having Expectations From People
I’ve said it once and I will say it a million times that childhood trauma’s shape us terribly when we are adults. Expectations (in my opinion) are another terrible side effect of unresolved childhood traumas. I used to have a boyfriend that could read me like a book, and he always told me that I was overthinking our relationship and not to have so many expectations. I thought he was crazy, because if I’m spending my time with someone and sharing my body with them then of course it is only normal to have expectations. Over the past year I have done A LOT of self reflection and confronting myself. I confronted myself the most on being delusional and desperate. I realized all these things tied into my expectations of other people, and how this can be a very unattractive trait, and not just in romantic relationships, but with family, friends and work as well. Are you a person that feel like you get taken advantage of a lot? That used to be me, and still to some I’m working on that. When we create expectations for people in our minds we are telling ourselves that we are not good enough for someone else so we try to control, and manipulate that person into being everything we want them to be for us. We think they don’t know what we are doing, but they know it and they also feel it. It comes out when you are too agreeable, you think you are saying everything they want to hear, but you’re really just sending off red flags of desperation. The thing with people that expect things from other people is they make these people feel like their being controlled when they did not ask to be controlled by you. I’ve learned that even in the bdsm community that people that like being controlled want you to ask for consent first too so those mind games you think you are playing with vanilla people are not appreciated wither. There are subtle ways to ask for consent so you don’t have to all out ask for it.
There is another idea that we should be able to pick up on non-verbal cues and that is only true to a certain degree. We live in a different time now, and believe me, consent is sexy. Consent can be another form of coercion, but it makes people feel safe and heard. Consent gives the person an option and lets you know that you are not selfish and that you are considerate of them. When you create expectations in your mind it almost like you are trying to steal from the other person, and believe me once they find out they will not be fond of you, and they may even ghost you. I’m sure we’ve all had that nice, sweet, and great person in our lives that just ghosted us out of nowhere. Why were you hurt? Because you were EXPECTING something else from them and you were NOT CONSIDERATE of them as a person themselves. Sometimes we even lie to ourselves about who a person is all in the name of our own selfish expectations, and getting what we want. In those cases I’m sorry to say, but we deserve to be disappointed, and let that disappointment me a lesson that teaches you not to settle for less and expect things from people that you have not asked consent from. Even then, have your own frame of mind for what you want out of life, and don’t be afraid to walk away from situations that are not serving you.
The more I get older the more I realize that love and relationships are not difficult. Love and relationships are only difficult when we are with the wrong people to begin with AND when we don’t stay true to ourselves and sacrifice our happiness in the name of being desperate, delusional and lazy without own personal self development.
strippernotes 