Thanks For 50 Followers!

Thanks for following me lets grow even more!

As you guys and girls know I started this blog because i didn’t feel comfortable expressing myself to the real people in my life. People always say they want the truth, but lets be honest if I talked candidly about my stripper life I would have no friends and family in my life unless I could do something for them or entertain them with my pain smh.

I already see how differently people treat me after I tell them I dance. The women get jealous and the men think I’m dumb and they  can walk all over me and make stupid jokes like I constantly want to explain myself and emotions to them while they get a good laugh off of me.

I’d rather write it all out and have loyal people read and follow my unconventional journey. My life is not perfect and it is certainly not a joke. People will try to laugh off of your pain to make their life seem better and I nip that in the bud before it begins. I am the first person to cut off a manipulative type relationship and be alone if I have to, but I will not let people think they can live their lives in a serious way and come into my life for fun and laughs like my life is a joke. I still do all the regular things in life and I still have human emotions. I take the route of showing people how to treat me and it doesn’t take long for them to realize they don’t need to play with me because I’ll let them play by they self.

I’m also not open about dancing to y family, because I have little ones looking up to me, but, people don’t care about the vision you have for your life as long as they can laugh at you to ease the pain of their own horrible crappy life and I won’t allow myself to be the butt of anyone’s joke. Now when people make jokes to me I don’t even move my face. It is very important to teach people how to treat you and never let anyone think it is ok to disrespect you. Thank you guys again for following me and I look forward to the future and I know its only going up from here!

Moving On! The Feels – Day 5

I’m moving on from stressing about school and back to to my online crush.

Its crazy how we hold people we don’t even fully know on such high pedestals lol. I do see the flaws in this guy tho and I learned from the last guy I was with that anybody can smile in your face and use you for all you your energy. Anyway my new online crush is in a relationship and that’s a huge flaw. One thing I don’t want is a man leaving his woman for me. I know a lot of women get men that way, but that doesn’t seem like a solid foundation to build anything on. How could you trust a person who broke someone else’s heart to be with someone else. I know things happen and relationships fall apart, but I don’t want to be the catalyst. At least not directly. I like for all hands to be washed before I enter into a relationship with a man so I can be clear moving forward.

Now you guys know I’m very intuitive so I do feel some moves being made in his relationship, but omg I just couldn’t. Maybe we flirted a little too much. Ummmm at this point I should tell you guys that I watch his videos and they make me feel real emotions for him lol I’m pretty sure he also watches my videos and is adoring me from afar lol. I think this is so crazy lol and also fun. Not for his girlfriend tho so that’s why I stay in my lane lol. All the lol’s because thinking about him makes me laugh, but I also feel like its not real and I’m just imagining he feels the same way. Honestly humans are humans and he probably does, but if his relationship with his girlfriend is good then he better stop watching my videos lol. I’ll still watch his tho, maybe I should stop commenting tho ugh.

Well I’ll keep you guys updated on this stargaze imaginary crush I have smh lol

Disappointed in myself!

If you’re a Stripper Notes loyalist then you know I’m in school and I’ve been doing so well! But yesterday I got lazy and missed some assignments and it really has me down because it brought my grade from an A to a B and I don’t like that. I want A’s! I can’t believe I slacked and thought I had all the time in the world to do these assignment, but I’ve also been cranking out videos like crazy on my Youtube channel and I’ve been enjoying that. The semester is ALMOST over and I can’t give up now! I have to push thru and be the best that I know I am! I am made to win and I will not lose! I have all the power I need to get these A’s and finish the semester strong! I’m not even going to get myself down about the B because as long as I know I worked hard and still willing to work hard that’s all that matters. I just wanted to brag to people that I made all A’s but screw that! I’m an independent woman who pays all her own bills, takes 6 classes and is smashing them all, makes videos, sells merch on eBay and loves the world! I am still sad, but I am no longer disappointing in myself because everything happens for a reason and I’m still proud of my accolades. 

Its hard when you have such high expectations and they are not met, but hey that’s what growth and trying is for. If we were all perfect we would be very bored. I love being this mess of a work in progress because my growth is a light and it shines me in the right direction. We fall down, we get back up. We get our hearts broken, we fall in love again. We go broke!, we increase what we lost by 100!

I have high hopes for the end of this semester and all in all I have to be happy with what I’ve done. Not many 24 year olds are as independent and responsible as me and I love that about myself it’s really self fulfilling and being in school is like the diamond ring of my life right now.

When I took that year off last year and danced I was drinking a lo and my life had no direction. Now I feel a sense of purpose and I am so happy. I have nothing to be sad about and when I look back on all the things I allowed to cause me pain I feel no more pain because I chose to be happy even when I didn’t know what that was.

Thanks for reading, love you guys and girls so much *smooches*

Day 4 of the feels

So I guess I noticed this crush around thursday/friday and its just amazingly awful to feel! Omg you guys know I’ve been pushing away my feelings since I started dancing, because I feel like who could really love a stripper? So I don’t tell men and I just choose not to feel anything, but ummmm I kinda can’t help this! He also doesn’t know I’m a dancer and I think if he knew the conversation could maybe get deep, maybe even a fling, but noooooooo I don’t want any more flings.

We have discusse business idea and blah blah blah, just casual talk. But what made me catch the super feels from him was him! women always get mad at the other woman, but its the man who does the chasing. So yes he has a girlfriend and he loves her, but he also makes videos complimenting other women including me lol. Maybe he has no idea how much his subscribers really like him and he also flirts which is dangerous.

I will be speaking on having the feels publicly, but I won’t mention his name duh lol. I basically just want to get all of these feeling out and sort them out aloud. Lol I’lll keep you guys updated, but I will be doing all I can to physically avoid him, but I cannot emotionally do that right now and honestly it kind feels good to have the feels again after all these bad men situations and I just want something new.

My fears have also popped up and that is simply I am holding him to too high expectations, but I expect the best from any man I choose to like because I’m hella picky and I want my man to be the best!

Nooooooo I’m catching the feels!

First of all I’ve never met or spoken to this person personally and its basically an online crush, but omg idk if its the lack of sex on my part, but I have the feels super hard. There’s a little more in between, but I’m kinda excited writing this so I can’t type that fast lol. Basically he’s a youtuber who talks about black love and he’s in a relationship. It sounds so crazy for me to have a crush on this person, but I also follow him on instagram and we’ve likes each other’s pictures, but he’s in a relationship! No I can’t like someone in a relationships its totally against my morals lol. Yes I have morals! He did say if they ever broke up it’d be on, but maybe I’m taking it to seriously. I’ll be 25 next month and this is making me feel so much younger. Like an online boyfriend is crazy! I need a real boyfriend lol. I used to find lots of comfort in his videos now all I see is a crush. I can barely watch them and zi know it sound crazy, but I’m jealous of his girlfriend lol. I mean at the end of the day she can have him, but still. I want him. But I can’t be playing these games lol. Also I’m a freakin stripper and he has no idea. I would tell him immediately if he ever told me he had a real crush on me tho. Anything to push him away I guess, but I have a feeling he would be very accepting at least from a  friend perspective, because he’s a life coach and psychologist.

I absolutely have the feels for him and this totally isn’t going to work. Also one of my more aggressive, broke and emotionally abusive ex’s is stalking me again yayyyyyy -_-

ttyl yall. I’m just gonna sit in here and do all my homework, create art and distract myself from these feels!

 

He Came From Touching My Hairy Arm Pits

So as you all know I am busy as hell with school and I haven’t worked in weeks so I stopped by the club last night since I have lots of things coming up and I need money.

Since I haven’t been having sex my confidence and everything is on amazing and I’m really enjoying that.

So last night I got to work around 9:00 pm and everyone was complaining, but yall already know that’s not my style so I was owning the place like I usually do.

The first person I got money from was this guy yall may have read about way way back in my blog. Basically I tell him to give me money and then I just leave lol. He keeps giving me money so I’m going to continue to take his money and leave him with a hard dick in his hands lol.  So he gave and my girls a little money then he wanted to leave, but I found someone better before I decided to hang out with him after wards. This is where the story gets weird lol.

So this is a 45 year old looking white man. Decent looks and average body. I’m not really into white men so he did nothing for me. Except give me money. He paid me $350 to come over for an hour and dance. As usual this guy was absolutely in love with me. I know with white men its just something about black women that turn on them on so much. As a black woman I don’t really have to work for most white men to be sexually attracted to me and the ones who aren’t are not important to me, because at the end of the day its all about me. Men can’t do anything without women and I know that and when you are a black woman you are so much more rare for white men. White men are used to living their regular day to day life without have real physical/sexual contact with a black woman let a lone a super beautiful black woman. So most white men go crazy for me and do whatever I say do. As I always tell you guys they also respect that I respect myself and have boundaries. I barely let them touch me and I barely touch them so when I do they go crazy.

Back to the story! So this guy takes me to his condo and I always dominate the conversation in a lady like way and men like a little power struggle. So I go undressed and he was very very very interested in my hairy armpits lol. He touched some of the hairs and started shaking. This is when he offered me an extra $200 to help him “cum” and I explained to him we weren’t having sex and all that, but I did give him a little assistance which I usually don’t do, but he was taking too long and I was ready to go and he knew that. He was also very turned on by my nails. I recently taught myself how to do my own nails and I have began to wonder what’s the point of it all and now I know nails are very important to men. Men love well manicured nails. I don’t like seeing pink penises, but the money was worth having to see it so whatever.

I’m going to get as much school work done as I can, because I’m definitely going back to work today and tomorrow. Lastly I just want to say always remain yourself and try not to compromise your morals for money. I may be a stripper and I even gave a hand job, but at then end of of the day I’m the one who is going to have to sleep at night with a clear conscious and as good as I am at what I do I still know that this is not something I want to do and this experience is for a reason.

Porn Phobia

 

You guys its official I’m afraid of porn! Ugh so its been about 4 months since I’ve had some peen and the struggle is real but whatever. I decided to turn some porn on and while it does arouse me I feel like it also takes the joy away. Like porn is just mad annoying sometimes.

Ok so when I was done watching the porn I went to sleep and chillllllllllle! I had a freaking pornmare! Omg I thought it was real life. I don’t remember the major details, but I do know multiple men were “raping” me while I was in my dream. I felt like a porn actress it was really horrible. I wanted them to stop, but they wouldn’t and I even wished I was dreaming and I knew I was, but just couldn’t wake up. When I finally woke up a few long dream minutes later I was so relieved. I may be done with the porn for a while guys.

Beware of Pimps in the Strip Club Pt. 2

Whats up yall its 8:00 am and I had a CRAZY weekend. All the people in my life who know I dance I basically don’t talk to them much, because even though I feel like they don’t judge me I still feel like they don’t understand what I do and it gets exhausting having the same boring conversation with people who think my life is so amazing and they have no idea.

Well anyway it’s my 2nd week back and I intentionally mentally prepared myself to return to the strip club. It took me a lot of mental strength because I’m highly focused on school and I also still had a little feeling for the older guy I was talking to and if you don’t know I had met him before I started dancing.

So before I went to work I went to a mice Brazilian steak place here in Atlanta with a customer. I wasn’t all that impressed because I get offered fancy dinners and vacations all the time so it was ok. He was  40 year old white guy from Czech Republic and he was a putting on the black persona. He drove a Maserati, listened to Lil Boosie and obviously likes young black women.  FYI he isn’t the pimp lol. I really just accepted the date because I knew he would drop me off at work afterwards and I needed the ride.

So after he dropped me off I was at work and since I only worked one day this week I knew I couldn’t come in here and play around. I came ready with my beauty and confidence to match and I was well received by the customers because they can smell the confidence and they love it. I was hopping around from customer to customer and near the end of the night a tall, balding, mid 30 something very dark skin and not attractive, but sweet black man wanted me to dance for him. He said he had been watching me all night and he saw me last week too and was disappointed that we didn’t speak. SO I danced for him and he was very respectful and not cheap either which is always a plus.

He asked me if I did private dances and normally I do, but in the past I have only done them for white men, because I know I will be in full control with them and money is guaranteed, but I trusted this guy so I agreed. Remember I’m not driving right now so he waited for me outside and then we went to get some late night Jamaican food. On the way to these places he was telling me that he’s a manager for girls and he wanted to make me a star and work with me and give me more money. He offered me $2,000 a week first and then offered to get me a new car and apartment, that was a little fishy to me, but I was just thinking hey maybe he just like me a lot. He continued to tell me stories of how he gets girls together as entertainment for high paid athletes which doesn’t sound like a stretch from the truth.

See this is my problem with being a dancer. Everyone thinks we have a price. I am truly doing this to support myself and love drives me to have sex not money. He was telling me how he gets these girls out of town and find clientele for them and I don’t know why I never put two and two together when we were on the way to his apartment. By the time we got there it was about 4:30 am and I maybe danced for 30 minutes then he started offering me money to have sex with him and that’s when I knew I had to go. He was telling me that he would take care of me and give me anything I wanted. I kept telling him I did not have a price and if I did it was very high. To be honest I am the most beautiful girl in that club so I could get whatever I demanded from the right person. In the end he offered me $5,000 for sex and I turned that down and he offered me $1,000 for a hand job and I thought about that one a little harder, but he didn’t have the cash and tried to PayPal it to me which I knew was some bs.

While he was extra aroused I quickly put my clothes on and ordered a Lyft because I could tell this man really wanted to have sex and I didn’t know him like that so I didn’t want to come off as afraid and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I am content with the money I made dancing, but my heart won’t let me lay down with someone I don’t have a natural attraction too. I think at this point I’m not too old to be tricked by someone I think loves me, but I can’t be fooled by a complete stranger offering me money to sleep with him. He was a really nice guy, but this is my body and I’m the one who has to sleep at night thinking about what I did for a little bit of money that won’t even last. I used to get sad about degrading my body as a dancer and thinking the man I loved was disgusted by me or something, but after that night I will no longer feel that way, because dancing naked is one thing, but having sex would have changed my perception of myself and I’m already damaged enough I don’t need that on me too.

I was very curious about prostitution after that so I did a quick google search and read an expert from a book that a prostitute  wrote and everything she wrote is my feelings about dancing and worse. I’m also reading a book for one of my classes that goes in depth about the morality of selling sex and casual sex. After that night I will value my sexuality even more and know the worth of it even more. The guy also told me he was sad I turned down all of his offers and he wasn’t sad because I said no he was sad because he felt like he failed as a businessman. This isn’t someone who cared about how I would feel this is someone who just wanted purchase and use me. I have sex out of love not use. If I have sex with someone they should not doubt that I love them. because for me its so much more than an act and I think if we all felt that way no one would get hurt, but we do have manipulators and liars out there, but that doesn’t change the way I feel just because they chose to degrade me.

Ok ladies (and maybe gents lol). All in all I would like to say there is nothing wrong with having sex for money because that is your choice even though I don’t recommend it just like I don’t recommend dancing if you don’t have a strong mind. You will more than likely end up in situations like this and if you are desperate you can be taken advantage of easily.

Lastly watch out for men who say they “manage dancers” or anything like that. That can also be modern code for PIMP!

Stay sweet girls and shout out to one of my lovely readers who contacted me a few weeks ago. It shocked me very much because I try to remain anonymous as possible and I even hid my life from many friends and family, because I fear being their source of entertainment. There is nothing worse than a friend who feeds on your pain and be clear that the adult entertainment industry can be very painful for many women and it is not something that should be romanticized or made into comedic relief. This is real life for many women and we are just trying to survive so please respect us as human women with real emotions. If I can be a source of inspiration and motivation for a woman in as much pain as I’ve been in then that makes me happy. Stripper Notes 2

What is Stripper Notes Up To!!!!!?

Whats up you guys and I miss you all so very much. When I started this blog I knew it wuld be a positive outlet for me and that’s exactly what it has been and still is. My numbers have been growing so much it just makes me happy to share my story. A lot of it is very sad to me as you all know I fight depression and anxiety MED FREE everyday and my life is just something that I don’t feel a lot of pride from so to be writing and articulating to a point that readers love my work and understand me is amazing to me.

So on to the update! 🙂 Life has truly been a rush of amazing face first falls. Since I knew I would be back in school I toyed with the idea of escorting to save time and make extra money. Well plans did not go accordingly and I’ve been making some amazing moves doing what I love which is selling on eBay. The products I’ve been selling haven’t been raking in lots of profits, but I made some super smart moves by being in college and getting money for that so I’ve been able to survive. I haven’t danced in about 4 weeks, but my parents have been helping me a little and with responsibility and planning I have been very blessed. Right now I’m selling my sister’s old shoes on ebay for money to test out a mass product like skin care or something in beauty. I also took a trip to the thrift store and have some things to post from there. Most of all I’m excited about opening my online store apart from ebay which is raping me in fees it seems like. I just want this to work for me, because I know how I felt right before school started and I couldn’t wait to get out of the strip club. My car isn’t working right now, but when I get it fixed I know there is a high possibility that I will go back especially with it getting warm and my birthday coming up.

Lastly I regret to inform you that I’m having issues with one of my roommates so I will be moving soon. Its a shame, because I really did like it here, but I don’t deal with disrespect so I am feverishly searching for a new place and waiting on one landlord to contact me back, because the clock is ticking and I wanted to be out by March, and I wanted to tell my roommates that today, but the landlord hasn’t contacted me back so i’m a little on edge.

I honestly feel like this is god forcing me to grow so as much as I want to get comfortable and stay I’m going to focus and find something I like and be out by April 1st. I just can’t live somewhere where I am not comfortable and at this point I am not comfortable anymore. This journey is not easy, but it is amazing and I know there is something out there amazing for me waiting to find it I just have to do what I have to do to find it.

Thanks to everyone who reads my blog and if you want to know what else I’ve been up to I’m always down to answer questions as you know.

Lastly if you would like to support me here is a link to my paypal account and all donations are appreciated and will go towards a great cause.

 

 

Stripper Notes is Back In School ….

What’s up yall 🙂

A crazy as life has been I managed to wiggle my way back in school. Not living with my family actually makes this process easier than I thought it would be even tho its still a little financially stressful I will make it!

Once I get my schedule in tip top shape I’m sure school will be much smoother as the semester goes on. As of now I’m just focused on paying for my books, school supplies, a new computer for school is also needed. All in all my semester hasn’t started off perfect, but I am faithful that I will have a successful semester.

Just wanted to share some good news with you guys and for those of you wondering I am a business administration major.