Now I chose this as the title, because it seems that some people think being overly sexual is fine even if their life is falling apart around them. The are four things that people mainly use as escapes. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, and sex! Sex seems the most harmless of them all to some people, but it can be just as detrimental. If you are sloppy with your sexual behavior and have no control over your genitalia then you could create a human being with a person you hate personally, but enjoy sexually. That is dangerous and scary.
I was also thinking about my adviser that I have a crush on and I saw him in a lecture today. Of course I didn’t say anything and acted normal, because everybody thinks they are more important than they are, but I treat them with respect and respect boundaries. I can’t lie and say that my mind doesn’t wander tho. I’ve had sex with my adviser many times in my head and I feel like that’s totally normal to wonder. One major thing I’m learning is there is everybody has bad/wrong thoughts, but we also have the choice to not act on those thoughts or suffer the consequences of acting on “bad” thoughts. If we were both on the same level, single and interested in each other that would be totally fine so that is the thoughtful scenario in my mind. That is exactly what sex is almost in a physical act. Its an escape and I guess everybody is entitled to their escapes. If I didn’t smoke weed I’d be a mess lol or an alcoholic smh.
When I really think about how great sex with my adviser would be just one time I reject the idea immediately. I remember having sex with the guy I just stopped talking to and it was great, but it was only a sexual relationship which became very taxing on me. I remember so much crying and pretending to be ok and good sex ain’t worth no tears never ever. That’s what I think about when I think about the outcome of being with a married man. Nothing, but lies, tears, heart break and broken promises. Totally never worth it. It is the instant gratification of drugs with the detrimental long term effects.
I was reading up on why I keep selecting unavailable men or emotionally unavailable men and from what I read it is a self sabotaging mechanism that some people do who fear true rejection. Like investing in a 15 year marriage only to be betrayed in the end. So to seemingly avoid all that I supposedly choose men who are not even in the position to reject me because they are unavailable in the first place. There is also something very selfish and instant karma creating when you choose to engage with a married man. You are hurting someone he loves which will 100% hurt him and he will choose to ease the pain of his wife before he eases yours which transfers a major amount of the pain that you created back to you. Also if you don’t know this man is married you still may suffer the consequences of not doing proper research on a man and just jumping in bed with him so take it slow and get to know anybody you sleep with. He may have all kinds of lingering baggage that he wants to draw you into. We love to think people are not malicious, but the man who engages is also selfish and has the possibility of doing the same thing to you so be careful. Imagine all the pain of your worst heartbreak being repeated and before it does you have the opportunity to stop it. That’s what humans have to use their power to do. We must learn to use our willpower to control our lives from detrimental temptation. Alcohol and sex are two things that have gone hand in hand for me so I try to control those things with all my power.
I think we could all use perceived rejection and empower ourselves with it. Its crazy how dating unavailable men is about fear of rejection and that is also like an automatic and ultimate rejection.