So you guys know I have been desperately trying to avoid my crush while also maintaining a normal subscriber relationship, but since I also create videos he gets to see me which is what fuels his crush (I’m thinking). So I love when he is on live and he has many many fans, but only a few that create videos I think.
Ugh he entered my DM’s one day last week and yes i was elated, but I had to politely decline and tell him that I was still a fan lol. Omg why do I have to reject someone that I want!? I just don’t even want to be the demise of someone’s relationship for my own personal pleasure and let be honest he’ll probably tell me whatever I want to hear to get what he wants. More over I’ll never know the real ins and out of his relationship and i could be walking into a world of trouble. I’ve been in those situations before and I hope I’ve learned my lesson. Bottom line what is for me is for me and what is for someone else is for that person. When you think you have all the power to have what someone else has worked for you will also be in a world of trouble no matter how much pleasure you think it will or is bringing you.
Like I said earlier I love the thought of him and I could just sit around all day thinking about him, but thoughts and actions are totally different things. The action of him should not happen and i think I made him feel bad by telling him I would not entertain him, but oh well his girlfriend wouldn’t want me all in his head making him think I’m just so awesome. Even tho I know I am awesome it would still be wrong to present myself in a loose fashion. Even discussing a liking for him is dangerous. He could be bored in his relationship and open to interacting with women and I don’t want to be one of those “how you get em is how you lose em” women even tho that could go in an way.
So he basically did a live stream, put my screen name and heart eyes by it as the title for his live stream. he clearly likes me and he says its because of how I look and who I look like, but I call bs on that. I don’t think someone would contact someone just because of how they look. That certainly isn’t what attracted me to him, but men and women are different. He is very attractive to me, but it isn’t his looks that I like since looks obviously fade.
Ultimately I’m backing down, but not out. Maybe I’ll stop commenting on his videos all together even tho I don’t think that is necessary. I also enjoy when he enjoys my videos, because I just do what I want to do and I appreciate people who appreciate my creativity.