First of all I’ve never met or spoken to this person personally and its basically an online crush, but omg idk if its the lack of sex on my part, but I have the feels super hard. There’s a little more in between, but I’m kinda excited writing this so I can’t type that fast lol. Basically he’s a youtuber who talks about black love and he’s in a relationship. It sounds so crazy for me to have a crush on this person, but I also follow him on instagram and we’ve likes each other’s pictures, but he’s in a relationship! No I can’t like someone in a relationships its totally against my morals lol. Yes I have morals! He did say if they ever broke up it’d be on, but maybe I’m taking it to seriously. I’ll be 25 next month and this is making me feel so much younger. Like an online boyfriend is crazy! I need a real boyfriend lol. I used to find lots of comfort in his videos now all I see is a crush. I can barely watch them and zi know it sound crazy, but I’m jealous of his girlfriend lol. I mean at the end of the day she can have him, but still. I want him. But I can’t be playing these games lol. Also I’m a freakin stripper and he has no idea. I would tell him immediately if he ever told me he had a real crush on me tho. Anything to push him away I guess, but I have a feeling he would be very accepting at least from a friend perspective, because he’s a life coach and psychologist.
I absolutely have the feels for him and this totally isn’t going to work. Also one of my more aggressive, broke and emotionally abusive ex’s is stalking me again yayyyyyy -_-
ttyl yall. I’m just gonna sit in here and do all my homework, create art and distract myself from these feels!