Its friday and I actually did smoke weed today. I took a few hits of the same blunt I smoked on Tuesday and at this point I need to push myself harder to be more active and do things in nature that may make me happier and induce my hunger besides smoking weed. I can tell that I’m relying on it and I kind of don’t mind because I’m getting really thin and I need to eat.
Today is Saturday and I’m about to get ready to go to work in a few minutes, but I wanted to crank this post out. Since tomorrow is Sunday its the perfect day to implement some new things in my life. One thing I’ve never really done professionally is yoga and I really want to learn how to do that. There is a yoga studio literally walking distance from my house and they have a special right now where you get 30 days worth of classes for 30 dollars so I will be doing that and I’m so fucking excited about it. Literally 30 dollars for 30 days sounds like a steal to me so I’m gonna hop on that shit asap. I want to do yoga and I believe I can teach myself, but I would love for a real yoga teacher to teach me.
I believe the yoga will really help me align my spirit with where I feel it needs to be and I’m just excited to learn something new. So more than likely I will be signing up for that on Monday. I also think that’d be some really great content for my Youtube channel to discuss how the yoga is helping me with my anxiety and depression. I also haven’t been eating the healthiest because I just try to get whatever calories I can in my body. While I admittedly love being skinny I feel like I’m getting to skinny. I remember the first time i lost all this weight and it got really bad. I used to look at myself in the mirror and cry because I couldn’t believe I had just sat around and let that weight fall off of me like that. I kind of felt the same way today and now is not the time to give up! My clothes are already falling off of me again and ‘ve lost all muscle definition. I feel like the worst part about being super thin is annoying people thinking its ok to ask me about my weight. If I were 500 pound that absolutely would not be happening and its very annoying. This is what make people with eating disorders afraid to speak out about it.
I also remember when I came to the realization that if I wanted to gain any weight I would have to learn how to love and accept myself at ANY weight. This can be tricky because we all have those ideas of perfection and we don’t want to tip the scale on that, but what’s on the outside does not matter. It’s about being healthy and happy, not perfect. So that is something that I have to constantly remind myself of.
I’m still excited to start this journey over and over again an learn new things about myself everyday.
Life is seriously hard work. lol
“Let’s dance in style
Let’s dance for a while
Heaven can wait we’re only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We don’t have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit
Life is a short trip
The music’s for the sad man”