I wanted to come on here and lie to y’all, but what’s the point of doing that?
Happy and hesitantly I smoked some weed yesterday. Hear me out. I actually wasn’t feeling particularly sad. I mean I’m always a little sad, but not anything I couldn’t shake off as the day progressed. So let me give you guys a re-cap of yesterday.
So I went to work the night before and it was a pretty good night. When I woke up I wrote and edited a few blog posts. Then at about 12:00 pm I still hadn’t eaten anything and since I threw up the ensure yesterday I didn’t really want to drink another. Once I vomit something up I’m seriously turned off of eating it again. I had a whole watermelon in my fridge that I cut in half and TRIED to eat. I cut it up and put it in containers because I just didn’t have the appetite for it. I also had a few more bites of my Jamaican food. I began to feel weird and gag so I stopped eating it. I kind of feel like I’m making excuses for smoking the weed, because I guess there are other things that could bring back my appetite, but obviously weed is my medication of choice.
Before I smoked the weed I wanted to handle as much important business as I could because i knew it would relax me so much. So I took a shower, packaged some books to ship off to the post office, put a case of Ensure in my car to return at Walmart , and pick up a few things in walmart. I forgot one of those things of course. Flouride free toothpaste.
So I was all ready and prepared to leave the house and that’s when rolled a blunt took a few hits.
OMFG I felt like my brain was having sex with my body.
I felt amazing I see why weed is illegal. I usually smoke so much I can’t tell if I’m high or not, but yesterday after just one hit the feeling euphoric. I have been suffering so much this week without smoking I was able to get the FULL effect of the weed. I can also see how I became addicted to it. I only took that one hit yesterday even though I’d love to just smoke up the rest right now I know I shouldn’t do that. After smoking the weed I was feeling super unmotivated because i just wanted to chill and enjoy the feeling, but I had shit to do.
So when the weed really set in I was on the highway at this point and its about 2:00pm. lol 1st mistake.
I continued with my day. I went to the Post Office, Walmart and back home to get a few tasks done. I’m just gonna be honest and say I didn’t feel like doing shit when I got home, but I still pushed through and recorded a new video, dyed some hair, edited a video which I put a lot of work in only to be muted because of copyright claims and then get ready for work. What I actually learned about getting shit done is you have to be doing something that you want to do, and find the importance of the end result in what you’re doing. So against my lack of motivation I got shit done which I’m proud of and proves even more that smoking weed all day every day is not something that you want to do.
After doing those tasks on my schedule my appetite was raging and I ate a ton of watermelon and finished my Jamaican food. I was super amazed and happy at how I was just plowing through the food without any negative feelings or weird body reactions.
My appetite is gone again. I’m going to start back working out because my muscle definition is seriously going away and that may also make me hungrier and happier. Excercise supposedly gives you a rush of endorphins, but I can’t work out on an empty stomach that’s the problem. I think I’ll start reall small with some simple yoga.
As far as how I’m feeling today I’m sort of numb. I did wake up to another sort of anxious feeling like I normally do, but I am coping with that through my creativity. One thing about being sober is you FEEL EVERYTHING. I don’t lie feeling anything sometimes and when I do that I find myself down a rabbit hole of emotions in my mind and it has the opposite effect. Life is seriously about balance and this experience is truly proving that to be true for me.
Smoking is so bittersweet, because it’s defintely a good feeling, but just because you’re feeling good doesn’t mean that you’re actually doing good. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say.
All in all make sure you’re getting shit done and not just dreaming about getting shit done all day while you’re high.
I won’t be smoking today or tomorrow or any day until I feel like I need anther food intervention and even then I will make sure all of my personal goals are accomplished.
Once again thanks for reading, I love you guys and I have to get ready for work now 🙂