Yesterday was day #2 of my weed free journey and I went to work. Work was dead and actually my sobriety had nothing to do with that. I have had bad days when I’ve gotten chocolate wasted and went home with no money! So being drunk and high doesn’t mean you’re going to make money like many strippers think. It does make the ability to deal worth random men groping you easier, but then again I only allow gentlemen in my company. Anything less will be paying me out of the ass or getting the fuck out of my face. I absolutely noticed having more mental clarity and slightly higher energy levels.
Yes I also feel a rush of emotions and I’m literally mentally fighting tears a lot of the time, but I acknowledge the fact that I am detoxing from weed and that has something to do with these emotions bubbling to the top of my mind. Another reason I don’t want to cry is I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop crying. I used to have severe crying spells when I abused weed last year and had to get professional medical help. I also had no way to express myself back then. I was heavy on social media and looking for validation that I most definitely was getting, but I was ungrateful for the one or two fans I had. I should have appreciated them, but I didn’t because I felt like it was coming from the wrong people or not enough people. My mind was simply poisoned and the weed only amplified whatever was going on. Please don’t think I am against smoking weed because you guys know I’m not! It just shouldn’t be abused the way I abused it.
The first day I quit I had horrible insomnia and the only thing that calmed my mind was doing research and in this research I was able to understand how and why I was feeling this way. I just want to say i love this blog because I get to say exactly what I want to say without any unsolicited advice which is so annoying! We all have the right to our own experience!
Now that I have been experiencing all kinds of emotional, and physical things I would like to share my spiritual journey. I know its only been two days. but y’all don’t understand. I literally smoked all day everyday so the mornings are the absolute hardest for me. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming at this point or not, and if I am they are clear enough yet. I am also sooooo much more sensitive to music and energy around me. When I’m high I can kinda be around anybody and “chill” but nope not right now. If I’m not feeling your vibe its best that you get away from me because right now my mouth is kinda fly. A guy tapped on my car window yesterday morning when I was at the grocery store sitting in my car making a video. First of all who wants to be bothered when they are in their own car recording something and I was super drained anyway and was trying to find the strength to go on with my day. Then this mother fucker tapped on my window and fucked up my whole zone. I literally said to him “bitch leave me alone” lol. I had to get it out and express how I was feeling! I’m tired of being nice first of all and I just don’t want anybody bothering me. I would never do that to anyone! Tap on their car window while they are sitting there recording something? Have you no manners? Or did you think that was door you were opening to speak to me? No mother fucker don’t tap on my fucking window!
I will go ahead and also say that I am so PROUD OF MYSELF! I shipped out my first Ebay package in too long and I put so much love and care into it. This was my first time including an invoice and printed thank you letter :). I also used my scale for the first time and used my printer to print the shipping label. I’m so glad I invested in those things. I used to either pay expensive shipping prices at the post office of have to drive around and find a library to print my shipping labels at and even then I’d guess on the weight of the package which lead to me paying more for shipping. I really feel like the ball is rolling and amazing things are happening and with moe hard work there will be way more of that to come! I filmed a couple of things for my youtube video and on top of all that awesomeness my hair came in the mail so I got started on making another wig which always feels like a mountain climb. It looks hard, but the view is amazing once you’re done.
The most important thing to remember when you stop smoking weed is that these feelings with pass and its all temporary. The struggle is so worth the success.
Everything before this sentence I wrote at about 10:00 am (mornings are so rough) and its 4:45 pm right now. My friend stopped by with some weed for us to smoke and he was a lil disappointed when I turned it down lol :(. I wasn’t trying to kill anyone’s vibe just amplify my own. I did smoke a cig with him lol oops but whatevs. I’m glad he stopped by. I think we both need some opposite sex attention in the air right now so I’m down. He is just a friend tho and honestly he could never handle me (never thought I’d say anything like that frfr lol).
I didn’t get as much done today as I did yesterday however my mind is still as clear as day and I’m definitely enjoying that. Lastly I haven’t eaten anything today and you guys know how that goes with me. I can only pray about that. I’ve already lost some weight obviously, but like I said I can only pray.
Well I’ll be going back to work tonight and editing some videos before work. I also plan on not smoking and drinking again tonight, but I do wish I would’ve finished that wig because my current one I’m wearing to work is on its last leg and has fallen off more than once as yall know hahaha ….. Tomorrow’s main priority ….