Drunk Writing

So while I’m at work I’m totally respected. Men of all races and nationalities worship me. I’m very mysterious and unpredictable. At work I totally have to be in control. I am definitely royalty at my job and everyone acknowledges it. I absolutely love it. Even when I have a bad day I don’t say much to anyone but the boss to handle figures and such. I want the real men in my life to see how people love me and I only say this because I’m human. Realistically I can have any if these men. Marry them and all, but on one end I think about all the traveling I’m doing and wondering if I’m missing out while I’m gone. On the other hand thinking about all the wonderful men I have also fallen in and out of love with. Jean pronounces John from freshmen year of college was the worst. I have zero respect for sny grown person who can only seduce young unsuspecting girls like me and the other girls he lied to.  On then other hand I was 18 and I also went on a date with a 31 year old the same day I got bailed out of jail for shop lifting. It was April 1st lol. He was a complete sweetheart tho and totally helped me when I needed it the most. I could love him.  He was just too advanced for me tho. He called me a few years later and I still wasn’t ready for his level of relations, but hey you never know. Then there was a beautiful Liberian man who was 30 and I was 19. He gave me a $20 bill on his birthday and I was so amazed lol. What I didn’t know was he was probably already over his birthday at 21 like me lmao. He was beautiful and also wanted s wife and I wasn’t ready, but I loved him too. He politely texted me one day and told me we had to end our affair, because he had found a wife. He moved out of the state and I haven’t spoken to him since. I’m  sure if he would have stayed in the state I’d have some super bad karma. Ugh he was heaven and hell.

My life was a blur of work after that and the story just gets jucier lol. there was a guy named Poland who was just not it for me. He had the best sex ever and the smallest one actually, but he made love every single time. He worshipped me and I could have guilt free sex with him, because he was that awesome. The only thing about him is he had too much family baggage at the time. He like I had a mid-life crisis at the age of 23 and really loved me for being there with him on that day. He was absolutely lovely and I didn’t want to let him down hard. It was the hardest thing I’ve probably ever had to do. The last time I had sex with him he got me pregnant and I was absolutely devastated.  I tried to cry and all that, bur I already knew what I wanted so I did. I paid for it and all, because he couldn’t.  I love him tho. We’ll always have that bond.  It’s crazy because I’m such a different person now. I know he would just love me even more lol.

As a woman I really feel like my emotions are linear even tho m y best friend says other wise. My best friend thinks everything is Just randomly happening at the same time.  I could agree on some degree, but My emotions are different. As I think about Poland I have love for him, but it NEVER could have worked between us. We just have too many differences.  If he called me I’d just want to have a good conversation and we would. As I think that I could care less about any other guy, and thats whatI mean by linear emotions lol.  However as far as Poland knows I fucking hate him and that’s how I like it.

The end of this drunken daze 🙂

 

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