I want to write this blog post very thoroughly lol. Or as thorough as I can. Around this exact time last year I had a huge nervous breakdown. I cried for about 3 months straight and I was just having a huge growing process. I learned that nervous breakdowns are not always bad things, but you won’t realize that unless you are able to overcome them. I couldn’t understand what was going on, but now I understand very clearly. I was trying to live up to the standard of the world when I should have just been living up to my own standard and not giving a f*ck about what anyone including my family had to say about this life that I chose for myself. I was strong enough to win a race from the beginning of my own existence and that should say a lot about every human being in general. I disliked how people would ask me questions that I couldn’t answer such as “what are you doing with your life?” Who can really answer that at 22? And I also felt like it wasn’t any of their business because it’s not like they were supporting me anyway. A good quote I’ll always remember from my little cousin’s graduation that her class president wrote reads “If you cannot build someone up please don’t tear them down.”
At this very moment I would like to acknowledge the fact that I am 24 years old and in a physical & emotional place in life that I love. I am trying to find a balance between good and evil and that’s an everyday battle, but I’m doing a great job in my opinion. I am also peaceful, content and happy with my surroundings which is the most important thing to me. When I was living with my family I alway had a fire in my throat, because there were always things I wanted to say, but I knew they just wouldn’t understand or would have a closed-minded opinion of and they aggravated me a lot. I don’t have that fire now. I won’t say that life is perfect, but I feel more at ease with it at this point in my life. I remember almost every birthday I’ve ever had especially from ages 9-23 and this thing they call life has not been easy by a long shot, but it has been awesome when I chose my destiny.
Surprisingly the happiest thing about my birthday last year was also the saddest and that was the fact that I was searching for happiness within someone who did not bring me any happiness except in the bedroom. That is embarrassing for me to say, but its true. I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen and if I ignored that fact I’d be lying to myself. No matter what he told me he didn’t show me and the proof will away be in the pudding. Actions make life. It makes me happy to realize the truth though and sn be looking for another blog post on advice I gave to a girl I work with about the truth 🙂 lol. I now see what my older sister was trying to tell me, but I refused to understand. I now see why my grandma told me that getting older is a blessing, because it is. It’s a blessing to be able to live another year and learn from mistakes. Furthermore it is more of a blessing to realize that it is never too late and the clock is still ticking as long as it is ticking. I also learned that sometimes you can’t help who yo fall for, but you can learn more about yourself to understand what may be right for you.
Moreover now that I am one year older one thing I finally understand that my older sister kept telling me is “Your young, live your life.” I believe the growth I pushed myself through helps me to understand this whole heartedly. I can’t wait for someone who won’t come through or is taking too long to do so. It takes two people to make something work. While I was dating this guy I also dated other guys just to keep busy and I think if anyone know that there are more fish in the sea it should be me lol. I stand here today one year older and truly one year wiser on top of all of my other wise years. If people want to live their life how they see fit that is fine, but if that way does not make me happy then I finally realize that I have the choice to not be apart of their lives.
LastlyI can only tell my stroy the way I see fit and if you don’t like that the big red “X” in the right hand corner can fix that. I will have an amazing birthday and I will choose happiness and I will enjoy myself, because we are only physically born once, but we can choose to be born again with each passing year depending on the decisions we make for ourselves and not others. Today I will speak up and tell people what it is I want and don’t want and like or don’t like and I will have no regrets about my, because I know I did the best I could for me.
P.S. If You’re in Atlanta I’ll be at the Jazz Festival so come party with me !