Ok I am not saying I’ll never use social media again, but at this point in my life it serves no major person so I will not be indulging in i any time soon.
My final white flag for social media came on the eve of my nervous/emotional breakdown. I blame many things on this event such as a stressful home environment, a regressive relationship with a broken person and just my coming into consciousness of life. After many breakups and makeups with social media I had dove into it full course. I began to compare my life with other people while still trying to maintain that I too was on a beautiful and perfect track. I wanted to be many things and I didn’t realize the time I was spending on social media was taking away from that time very much. Social media became one of my huge escapes from the real world and I ended up getting close to nothing at all done. I had written out all of these plans, yet nothing was getting accomplished. Something that made me especially sad was still living at home. This didn’t just make me feel sad because of my age, most of it was the type of family I was living with.
I come from a family of chronic complainers, pack rats, hoarders, envious women, sexist men, and he list goes on. A lot of people in my family are also addicted to television which seems to be the social media of their generation. People in my family will literally watch television all day just to complain about what is on the t.v.. The horrible thing is I know they don’t see the damage it has done and continues to do to their perception of reality. They also have the nerve to complain about my generation which the last time I checked they haven’t made any strides towards doing anything different such as financial or political freedom.
I turned to using marijuana very heavily since I only smoked when I was away from home and this was often. I also stopped eating due to depression which lead me to become a dangerously low weight of 75 lbs at 5’6 and as I posted pictures on social media all I got was positive attention so no one knew how I was truly suffering. I honestly feel like this is the story of many people, but in this world everyone wants to come off as a perfect person so they will never tell you the whole truth. There are also many details that I couldn’t even fit into this blog post like how I admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital for 6 days due to my low weight and dangerous mental state. I’m sure I saved my own life by doing this. No one cared about my mental state before I went in and its only after I tell then this fact that they feel some sort of pity for me i guess, but don’t pity me because I found my happiness and I advise you to do the same. Even after the time passed and I became visibly better the negative ways of my family returned and I realized I had to just leave because I can’t expect people to mentally change like I have.It true that some people never mentally grow as their physical bodies. I still have a lot of girlish ways, but one thing I have learned is responsibility and that’s a key element in truly evolving mentally as your physical body does.
Even though I’m not perfect and I never will be I always want to live a life that I can be proud of without any regrets and wasting time on social media pretending to be happy is no longer apart of my personal agenda. The weird part is how easy it is to fall back into the trap of it all so be careful and live each day to the fullest the way you want to and not just for likes and comments of irrelevant people who don’t really care about you. The most fulfilling way I live my life is through learning, creativity and mediation, and I don’t feel the need to post any of these things to social media before, during.