When I first started dancing only a handful of people in my life knew and if those people are really close to you then you can’t really hide it forever unless you are a great liar or don’t have intimate conversation with them. I have been dating someone for 1 year while I started dancing, but I wasn’t with the direction of the relationship so I kept it a secret. While I was on my trip to California I had decided I would not be dating him when I returned to Atlanta, but things didn’t work out that way. I’m not sure how things will work out for us, but we’re still dating now. When I got back to Atlanta we were fine and actually we were happy, but I was still dancing and that wasn’t the plan for him to still be in my life, but life is crazier than you know.
I was going through some hard times that I lightly discussed in a previous blog post and I had ended up spending more time with him, but I was still a bit distant from the earlier nature of our relationship, but we were still dating lol. I couldn’t keep it from him any longer because I didn’t see the relationship ending as I planned! I had planned all these conversations in my mind, but it was very hard for me to tell him because I felt like I’d been lying to him even though we never made anything official I did have a little respect for the guy. I say a little because had he been more present I couldn’t have hidden this for so long and a part of me felt like I didn’t owe him any explanation. I didn’t know what to do so what do we do when we don’t know how to tell someone something that we just can’t tell them? We get drunk. Lol.
So four glasses of Merlot later I was giving a customer relationship advice and I respected the true love he had for his girlfriend and I thought to myself “hey this guy may actually like me and I don’t want to lie anymore”. The customer advised me to tell him, because he was loving my advice I gave him from an honest female perspective and I respected his male perspective as well. I still couldn’t find the words so I sent him a picture of me and a co-worker and I can only imagine what was going through his mind because he’d never seen me that way lol. I barely wear lipgloss around him haha. I was ready for whatever came next and about 2 minutes later he was calling me!!!!!! Omg the terror lol. The freaking terror! I couldn’t answer so I didn’t. I was freaking out and just going all kinds of crazy so I called him and he answered …. shocker, no really I was shocked. I knew he hated me and I was ready for everything. Basically he was super concerned that I was drinking and driving and even though I was in a crazy situation this made my heart melt I don’t know why. After work I went over and it was about 4 in the morning. This wasn’t a life I think he’s used to so I really didn’t want to go into it, but I kinda had to for my sake and I knew he took it in a weird way, but in my defense we never had a secure understanding before I started dancing so kinda used that as something to hold on to.
The unexpected happened after I told him and that is we were brought closer. I think me telling him was trying to become free, but that didn’t happen. We basically spent every day together after that and even though I’m still cautious with the relationship part of us, I’m still glad I told him because how can you expect someone to support you if they don’t know you need supporting?