After I was really going more broke by the day I took a trip to “Starship” the adult novelty store, and that eased my mind so much. I’m going through this journey alone so I’m trying to tread lightly. Starship was an amazing experience to do alone. I got a chance to look at shoes and loads of outfits. It made the decision feel more real for me to be in the presence of all the clothes. At this point I have called a really hot gentlemen’s club and the woman on the phone sounded middle aged so I figured she a secretary or the house mother or something. She was absolutely helpful and directed me to a answering service that gave me a phone number to text my headshots and bodyshots to. I sent them in and they said they would contact me when they were ready to schedule an audition. That was Friday and today is Sunday so precious time was passing by and I was getting more anxious so I called another club referred by my unhelpful friend who says she can’t work there because its so far away. I called them and they were rude which was expected, so I wrote them off because I don’t do negative vibes. That traumatized me and I was literally freaked out to call another club and the reality of the “audition” was also freaking me out. My Craigslist friend had an audition with her company and she had to dance for 30 minutes. That sounded very judgmental and impossible for me to just do. I spent Friday and Saturday night building my confidence y watching documentaries and practicing moving naked in heels. I actually looked at my body in the mirror and loved what I saw. I could gain a little weight at 5’6 105 lbs, but I still loved the shape and movement of my thin frame and I had a little bit of jelly which I never noticed but was very pleased to see. I easily knew I would not want to be in a club with loads of thick women, I could make it, but I just don’t feel like that’s the right place for me.
I also noticed women in this industry are very competitive and I wanted to avoid a place like this. I live in Atlanta, but I don’t think I want a dancing job that close to the city as I’m more likely to see someone I know which would mortify me.